Rollar Coasters are no longer fun

[Amy]

I did a complete no no tonight. I am so mad at myself. He just blurts out his email password to me and tells me if I want to know the truth go look. Stupid me has to look. (He was so drugged I am sure he doesnt remember telling me or he thought nothing was in there. Here is the email I found)

OW,

I'm sorry I did what I did. I only hope someday I can repair your heart. I'm sorry it took what it did for me to come to 100% of what I already knew I should be, and that was not to be in a relationship with ME, and to cheerish the one I had with you. I know now, and its to late. I would take anything, do anything, just to go back 24 hours and continue to show you my love for you and to realize what I now know. I hope you and the boys can someday forgive me, I can't believe I have done to them what I'm doing to my own. I do care. And now they too will go thru disappointment because of me. I'm sorry I ever got you messed up with me again. I do love you, but I'm a mess and I have failed everyone. I haven't taken my medicine yet, I didn't want to last night, because I wanted to be somewhat awake for you, and I was. I was awake enough to watch over you, that made me happy. Now I can't take it because I need to be there for my kids. Part of me doesn't want to anymore, no I'm not telling you anything. I guess I got that just don't care additude, kinda looking forward for the withdraw to get worse, self torture. Talk to you later, I'm sorry again for everything. I do Love you, I'm sorry it took this to wake me up.

H

OK THIS MAKES ME SO MAD.......... I SHOULDNT HAVE LOOKED BECAUSE NOW I AM BEYOND DARK I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO HIM AGAIN.

In what he shouldnt have done he is referring to sleeping with me on the 18th. The part that really gets me is his worrying about HER BOYS. What about our 5 children that are falling apart. This guy is a snake and honestly I really don't know that at this point he deserves me. Guess this is what I get for snooping. I swear if I had the 5k the attorney wants I would slap his aXX with divorce papers tomorrow.