CM . yes your right, prayer will heal your marriage. there is nothing you can do to persuade her, but God can still use you to "show" her the way.
I'm sorry your not seeing anything happening. Only God really knows what's in her heart. God's timing is perfect, and we are impatient beings. I know I would be struggling, but you are very strong. I love how much faith you have, that is a great testimony in itself.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
okay, just letting out some frustration. I still need to learn what to do...finding what works with my H.
Okay guys. My H joined a gym membership to another club because it was closer & smaller(less people). We already have a membership that's $10 bucks a month. He hasn't used it in 3 years. He was the one to talk me into it in the first place. He doesn't use it because they are too crowded and he can't have a "real" routine. So I reluctantly was okay....after the sitch problem... and he's been 2-3 times. He bought it end of last year, possibly in the fall. It's 38 bucks every other month he says he's going to cancel it. The first few months he wanted to make sure he wouldn't start going, then he never did, so he decided like 6 months ago that he would cancel it, plus some other things. He did one of them. I think I've asked 3 times now if he had cancelled it. Not nagging or anything. He even wrote a list of things to do for himself a month ago and I wrote on there that he'd get a free back rub after he did it all.
Obviously none of this is working, and I just knew he hadn't done it and I mentioned it yesterday and he almost avoided the question, and then made excuses that he'd have to go in to cancel, and it's just a 24hr club so there's no one there on the weekends. Well, in the past I would always do things myself because he would never get them done. So finally I give up, I call the place because we don't have 40 bucks to hand out free every month. The kids could have gone somewhere or we could have used that money to pay for the fence we are finishing. or go to the steeler game he is wanting to go to in St. Louis this year.
Well, I call them and another company handles that and told me I have to send a 30 day notice! ug. this is why I would do it myself, because if I had, I would have found this out months ago and we would have saved probably 200 bucks. I just started crying after because that means we have to pay them another month payment and they would refund me any of the months.
What should I have done differently? I was trying not to be the nagging wife, and I gave him probably 4 months of not saying anything, but where do I draw the line for heavens sakes?
okay, it's really not as big of a deal as I'm letting it be. After our sitch, I realized that I needed to let him be in charge more over our finances, or basically stop getting angry about the money he spends to keep him happy. If we HAD the money, I would love for him to do the things he does, but it's really hard when we DONT have it. especially when he's just throwing it away like that.
okay, now I'll be writing out the dumb notice and leaving it for H to sign.
sorry for the anger.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Some food for thought I received a day or two ago:
Quote:
Tuesday is Bob's day to shares his thoughts on marriage restoration 20 years after remarriage to Charlyne following their divorce.
- - - - -
WHO ARE YOU FOLLOWING?
"Hear now, O Israel, the decrees and laws I am about to teach you. Follow them so that you may live and may go in and take possession of the land that the LORD , the God of your fathers, is giving you. Do not add to what I command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the LORD your God that I give you." Deuteronomy 4:1-2
Even though the big Ford van now has traveled over 130,000 miles, it is the best vehicle I have ever driven. Right now, it is serviced and ready to head out for Rejoice on the Road in just a few days.
I knew the van needed repairs before this trip. The same shop has done maintenance on the vehicle for eight years, so I trust their advice. I was not prepared for the news last week. Repairs were going to be an expensive venture and take several days, so I took the van through the car wash instead. It looked great.
A silly substitution? Maybe, but before you laugh at me, let's compare that illustration to what some men and women standing with God, and praying for restoration of their marriage do when their spiritual journey encounters trouble.
When the Enemy strikes in a major way, they are thrust into a spiritual battle. It can be won only by using spiritual weapons of the Word of God, prayer and fasting. Instead of turning to spiritual weapons, many standers feel the computer is their weapon.
Instead of telling their Heavenly Father their problems, they tell everyone who will listen. Often these are guised as prayer requests, but 99% of their message tells all of the detailed circumstances. These people post details on sites that allow that.
They go to chat rooms and share their mess, seeking advice from strangers. They have online friendships with people whom they have never seen, whose advice they take freely, be it right or wrong.
Meanwhile, their Bible lies unopened, and all the while God is saying, "I have solutions. Why are you not asking me?"
When Charlyne or I talk to one of the mis-guided standers, they justify, "I pray online and I get my Bible study from many devotionals such as Charlyne Cares." When you pray, there must be a time to be quiet and wait for the Holy Spirit to speak to you, not simply to wait for a reply to your instant message to someone else.
"Charlyne Cares" was never intended to replace your daily Bible study and time in God's presence alone.
For 15 years, we have met one night each week with men and women who are seeking God's restoration of their marriage. In two hours, we manage to fit in praise music, prayer requests, praise reports, announcements, special features, and Charlyne's teaching from the Bible for an hour. Anyone who has ever attended a single Monday night can tell you that we do not share circumstances at Rejoice Pompano Beach.
If someone there is facing court, we pray for them, but there is not time, nor is there reason, to hear all their circumstances. Many a stander's Bible study have gone under when people started sharing circumstances.
Another trademark of Rejoice Pompano Beach is that we do not give advice. The only "you should" advice new standers with problems hear from anyone at Bible study is that "you should" ask God, not man, to direct them what they are to do.
God has answers that He will reveal to that stander alone.
This is a tough message; but good men and women in their hurting, are being led astray, instead of being led into the Bible and directly to God for His always-perfect answers.
This message does not even apply to most standers, whose stand is firmly fixed in Christ Jesus. They know the secret of standing is always turning to Him alone. I pray these solid standers will excuse us while we deal with some people who call themselves "standers", but have been misguided in their hurts.
This small group are seeking answers in all the wrong places.
As an aside, my van did not actually go to the car wash. I gave it up for several days to allow the repairs. It did need the car wash when it came back from the shop. It was an expensive venture, but now I know the van will make it to Virginia and back.
Do you know if your stand will carry you to a restored marriage, with every family member loving and serving the Lord?
Standing God's way may be slow going, but just as my car repair, the right way is the only way that will truly last. In marriage restoration, God's way is the only way that will bring results that will not leave you broken down by the road of life.
Have you ever heard the phrase "spiritual cult?" If you are trusting in and listening to some person or some program more that you are listening to your Heavenly Father, perhaps you should search the Internet and learn about this term.
"The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth." I Timothy 4:1-3
Spiritual cults direct their followers to one person's way rather than teaching them to learn to hear from God. That person is, in effect, running your life. Their answers are always right. They do not allow room for the Holy Spirit to move in its followers' lives, but dictate rules that must be followed. Recruitment is done by members, not by God's leading people to the group.
"These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage." Jude 1:16
Spiritual cults are trademarked by using parts of verses from Holy Scripture, out of context, to say what that group wants to say. To be applied correctly, verses before and after a scripture must be read, not just a few words extracted from one verse.
This can all be summed up by the title of a teaching Charlyne did years ago; "Who Are You Following?" We trust it is not the Steinkamps', because we do not have all the answers you need. The answer of every stander must be, "I am following Jesus alone."
We may be able to provide books and CD's to encourage and direct you, but for your day-to-day answers, direction, counsel, and comfort, you must be looking not to us, nor to any other person or group, but to our Lord God alone.
You are not going to develop that relationship from time on the computer, but from time with Christ, in prayer, in meditation, and most of all in His Word, the Bible.
If you are standing for God's miracle restoration of your marriage, but your only real relationship with Him is using His name in your email and posts, you are, in effect, running your broken marriage vehicle through the car wash. It may look good on the outside, but nothing is being rebuilt on the inside. Some day you will find yourself stranded on the highway of life.
My prayer is that today you will seriously ponder the question, "Who are you following?" If your answer is a person, confess it to God, and turn back to Him.
Your Lord is waiting for you with opened arms.
"'If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees of the field their fruit." Leviticus 26:3-4
Following Jesus,
Bob Steinkamp Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.� Post Office Box 10548 Pompano Beach, Florida 33061 USA
Standers in the southeastern United States have eleven opportunities to meet with Bob and Charlyne during the balance of October. Can we count on seeing you? - http://rejoiceministries.org/road.html
"When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." Isaiah 43:2
The Lord has given me a word for someone this morning, it's-- FEAR NOT! He says for you not to fear because He is with you. The greater One lives in you. There is nothing too great, nothing too hard, nothing too difficult for Him. He is the God who specializing in doing the impossible-- that which is impossible for man is possible for God. Don't forget who He is. He is the One who spoke into nothing and brought forth everything. There is no one who can stand against Him. He will cause your enemies to flee before you. He will cut down their schemes and plans that they have devised and cause them to come to naught. He is the Lord, He does not change. As He turned Haman's gallows on himself, so He will do the same thing to your enemies also.
Keep your heart and mind fixed and stayed on Him. Trust Him. Don't lean to your own understanding. Don't try to come up with your own "plan of escape". He will lead and guide you as you look to Him and not to the arm of the flesh. You are troubled in heart and perplexed in mind. Confusion is trying to capture you. But lean upon Him and hold fast to Him. He will not fail you nor let you down. He is with you- a very present help in time of trouble. The sea may be roaring- threatening to drown you- but He still speaks, "Peace be still".
For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:6-8
I've been around long enough to know some men and women whose lives were totally sold out to God a few years ago who have since walked off the track in the middle of the race. They've given up. They've lost their longing for God and all that He is.
They're awol from the Christian life . . .
The fear of following in their footsteps haunts me. It should you, too. The possibility is real for all of us unless we allow our hearts to be completely gripped by God . . . today - now.
The faithfulness of my walk with God in the next year and the next decades depends on my willingness to stay current with God.
In a word - to stay in relationship with Him.
I never want to lose the hold God's greatness has on my life and the supreme privilege it is to be in relationship with Him and to serve Him faithfully till the day I am welcomed into His presence. That passion compels me. It keeps me very honest and very humble before God.
The last thing I want to do is crawl across the finish line a defeated, derailed Christian or worse - give up the race before my life is over. I want to break that tape with arms high and my face to the sun and say with the apostle Paul, "I have finished the course; I have kept the faith" (2 Timothy 3:7).
So what can we do now to ensure that finish line victory? We can get back to basics: Honestly answer these seven questions:
Do I hunger after God? Does God's Word govern my life? Do I grieve over sin? How quickly do I repent when I see my wrong? Am I sensitive to the Spirit's prompt in me? Do I obey? Is my faith growing?
Return to these questions regularly and ask God to help you every morning to run the race.
thanks for all the notes CM. I've been kinda out... back problems due to little s3 caused me to jerk strange so I'm not doing well, but I'm downing the MV like crazy, and I've actually gotten better today, but still can't stand too much or sit at all. I'll touch base later this week though.
hope everyone is doing well! talk to you soon
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Sorry about your back!! I hope you feel better very soon.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
thanks Nikki. I just posted on yours... you definitely had a crazy day!!!
When I get better, I definitely need to work on myself again. I can feel tension between us, just little problems nothing major. like today I didn't have my cell on me for a couple hours.. in another room, b ut I'm really disabled right now..well he finally called home phone and was mad at me.
last night, I let his emotions trigger my own. I need to quit that.
I'll type some better stuff later, just tired now and need to rest.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
unfortunately, I HAD been getting better, but somehow I got scared out of my pants last night. H had gotten home, but I didn't know it and he was standing in the doorway of the bathroom while I was teaching s9 how to clean the bathtub (delegating some work!) and I turn around and jump a foot in the air screaming. I'm sure it was quite hillarious, but my back doesn't think so today. H felt bad. and now I'm definitely not going to the octoberfest tonight. probably a good thing though cuz I probably would have done too much and regretted it Sat. Luckily, I'm still okay, just a little worse than yest now.
I feel totally terrible. After our "fight' the other night, he comes home last night with a new laptop. says he got it partly for me to take with me to Wichita. I'm kinda thinking that he really wanted it himself, and we can't exactly afford it, but if he really was doing it for me, then that is cool, and I told him I really felt bad about the other night. He said don't worry about it.
I really wish I could go tonight. I'm definitely letting him go if he wants. I hate it when I feel like I screw everything up. I know it's not really my fault, but it's my back, so it sure feels that way.
Nikki, I need to follow in your footsteps.. your doing so many cool and fun things. I can't really afford to do all that your doing, but I need to find something for myself and Gal again. I haven't done that for a long while.
on a fun note, my fish had babies again and I didn't even know it! They must be at least a week old or so. The parents are soo good with them, making sure they all stick together, and they take turns watching. I hope they last this time.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I guess I'm just having problems lately. H was going to the store to get dinner and I asked him to get a couple other things cause we are bare, and he kinda threw a little fit and I said that s3 and I don't have anything to eat and just get something for us to eat 2morow. well, I'm very nutritious conscious and he had said he wasn't going to go shopping...well, he did end up shopping and had all this junk food and it just stressed me out. I wish I wasn't like that, but I do not feed my kids junk and he bought a huge box of corndogs (something we've never ever bought), and other stuff and I'm just like yuck. why are you spending money on stuff I we won't even use and if we did, we'll have to just buy more food to compensate the bad stuff we eat.
okay, I guess I just need to blow some steam. I tried not to say much about it cause I knew he didn't want to shop and he was trying to find easy things for me to make. I just don't understand why it has to be crap he picks out. I guess he did get some bananas. I know, this is little stuff. I'm probably just more irritated because I'm still in pain and frustrated about not being able to go to the store myself.
now his ftball team is losing so I need to be nicer!
and thankfully my s3 just feel asleep on the couch after whining about getting a waffle.
now I need to find some good things to mention. hmmmm. H worked on the fence some more this weekend. he took the dog for a walk with s3. He drove me and the kids to church and picked us up. He cooked steaks for dinner tonight.
This is where I need to take your example Nikki... I always seem to see the bad things instead of the good like you seem to do. like when I was typing about the steaks, I was thinking, ya, except he gave me the one with the most fat in it. Why do I think that way?
I guess I still have a lot of work to do!!!!!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
probably a good thing though cuz I probably would have done too much and regretted it Sat. Luckily, I'm still okay, just a little worse than yest now.