Have you tried meetup.com? Lots of interests there, and people who enjoy certain activities meet up to do them. I'm going to check it out in my area. MMan, maybe you know some specifically geeky ones.
MMan, it was good of your W to apologize for her insensitivity. It's easy for everyone to get wrapped up in their own stuff and hard to see from the other's perspective. The LBS often feels like they have the trump hurt card, but I think it's useful to remember that the WAS must be in some serious pain/conflict to leave---few run away with a smile on their face. Helps me empathize, anyway.
Sounds like you did well with the visit, hard as it must have been. Doesn't sound dorky at all, by the way. Keep hugging the cat---good for you, if awful for the cat. : ) The small things add up to a lot.
I'm actually currently exchanging e-mails/messages with someone who seems fun/neat. And happens to be fairly cute, which is a bonus. hehe. Not planning on dating right now, of course, but I've been able to consider it more in the last week as something that'll happen in the future.
Different Note: Oh. The 30" HDTV? GORGEOUS! Watched Batman Begins last night. So cool. (heh. Typical guy, huh? impressed by shiny technology)
I'm actually currently exchanging e-mails/messages with someone who seems fun/neat. And happens to be fairly cute, which is a bonus. hehe. Not planning on dating right now, of course, but I've been able to consider it more in the last week as something that'll happen in the future.
Just be careful, MN. It's easy to get involved with the notion of dating, actually dating, etc, simply because of the immediate PMA boost. However, once that fades or dulls, reality of your sitch comes back and suddenly you're miserable again. Dating this early is just a pain killer for your emotional struggle. It's only hiding the pain you're dealing with, and it in our situations it can often just prolong the healing process.
Just be careful, man. You haven't even had time to implement the strategies in DR over a good period of time. Give that a shot first.
I agree with GD - hold off on the dating. Someone that is nice to you, compliments you, and maybe will even give you a kiss goodnight is such a comforting thought right now, but avoid it if you can. I've thought about finding a date too, but first I know it is way too early and second I know that it would only be a band-aid for the situation. Not to mention I watched a friend date only months after his D and it turned out to be a rebound. All of us watching knew that, but he needed to find out for himself. And finally, since I'm such an expert it won't help your chances of reconciliation with your W. In fact it could make things much worse.
Me: 37 H: 35 M: 6 T: 8 2 cats, 1 dog, 0 kids S: 09/10/07 D started 9/21/07 (I stalled) Piecing: 11/9/07
It is awfully tempting at times to give up on the pain of the marriage and experience that 'newness' of a fresh relationship. I Was out tonight with my D (1yr) and I started talking to someone working at Starbucks - They were flirting like mad, which made me feel pretty good.
Walking back to my car I was thinking to myself "Yeah, it probably would feel good for a while, but it's not the same". The whole prospect of having to get to know someone all over again, figure out their habits and nuances just seemed like such a long short compared to trying to solve the problems which brought me to DBing in the first place.
I feel pretty strongly about dating during this process - It's just not going to happen. Maybe I could make my wife jealous and she'd want to come back to me, or maybe it'd frustrate her so much she just gives up. I've not taken my wedding ring off during all of this mess, and I'm not going to take it off so I can go and pick up someone else. Maybe if I wanted the easy way out and didn't really care who I hurt along the way it would be the preferred option, but I know I could never forgive myself if I got involved with someone else and then my wife wanted to work on our marriage - Either way, someone is going to get hurt in the process.
I've always believed there is only room in a marriage for two people - Anything more than that just confuses matters.
I agree with the others, too early to date. It is nice, though, to realize that life will go on---and well---after W. Keep it simple and you're good.
When H told me days after the bomb, "I'll know you're okay when you start dating other people," it sounded downright sacrilegious. I couldn't even begin to imagine it. But now I think, yeah, okay, someday....
Keep on doing your thing for you, get yourself to the place where you're happy with you without needing a partner, and you'll be in great stead the next time around (down the road).
it won't help your chances of reconciliation with your W. In fact it could make things much worse.