Husband, I received your email and you will get my response later today. Work has been mad busy so I haven't been able to respond fully yet.
Yoyo, thanks for checking in. I am doing alright. This past weekend was my little ladies and my weekend together. We hung out at the house Friday and rented a couple of movies. I think my girls really look forward to movie night. They setup the floor with blankets and pillows then leave me a spot in the middle. It is fun just relaxing with them. Saturday, we went downtown to the Adler Planetarium with a friend of mines family. Sunday was church and then went to my buddies house to watch some football. After the game we stopped by my parents house where my girls played with Barbie's the whole time.
Since then it has been soccer and work. Tonight I have softball. Then Thursday and Friday I have my girls. This weekend I am heading out to my friends house and going to the Nascar race on Sunday. I am not a huge racing fan, but, it should be a good time just getting away.
I did buy some new furniture the other night that should be delivered in the next few weeks. D2 needs to get out of her crib, so, I bought her a new bedroom set for my house. I also bought a sectional for my living room. My W takes it and I get to replace it with stuff that I like.
Here is something strange that my W did yesterday. She offered me a D recovery book to read. She said it was awesome. I really did not know how to respond...so I did not say anything. I later emailed her thanking her for the gesture. It was just messed up having her offer me this.....
Also, we all are still under the same roof. D is not final yet. My L is out of town and the D probably will get completed soon after she gets back.
Scott, Souns like you had a great weekend with your girls. They are very lucky little girls to have a daddy like you.
You are a very busy man with work and all of your sports. Who knows about the NASCAR you may discover you like it once you attend a race in person. You are keeping such an open mind about GALing. I'm so proud of you. I thing you should get the GAL award.
I think your response to the book was great. You are so calm. I think one day your wife will realize what a treasure she has lost. She better hope she doesn't take to long. I'm sure there will be plenty of women who would love to meet a man like you!
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
What else could you really say about the book? Wow. She wants to break up the family, yet wants you to feel better. Messed up. I just put D3 in a bed today by the way. hee hee I am glad you are getting new furniture.
Scott..in response to the who is at fault question. I have looked at this myself and it is a difficult question to respond to..especially on this board. We are tainted by 'being ourselves' while looking at this question. Pointing fingers is probably a method of 'denial', a way to try and ease our pain by heaping more fault on our spouses.
Honestly tho', I think the real issue is that, because of some of OUR issues, we probably selected people who were due to 'break' at some point. Perhaps, we should take 100% of the blame for choosing the wrong person to marry? I've read all the comments about human imperfection, hurting the one you love, etc, but, is there really an excuse for lying, having an affair, lack of committment to a promise to stay 'for better or worse'? Did we fail to see that the person we married lacked the inner character to express the trait of integrity? Not sure there. There is no doubt that most of us here gave our spouses a little shove down the stairs, but, did we fail to see warning signs before be signed that marriage license?
When we get bombed we all tend to blame ourselves:
what did I do wrong?
this must be all my fault
shoulda, woulda, coulda
The real focus is WHY? Why did our marriages fail? I think too much focus is on WHO IS TO BLAME. I think we need to sort out what brought us together: -why did we fall in love with our S? -what were the attraction buttons? -were they healthy? -if healthy, where did we cause harm? was it faulty programming from our childhood? -did we just grow in different directions -etc The final result is that we should choose to abandon fault, guilt and resentment. Focus on growth and change and learn how to cope with the loss of our beloved spouse...grieve..and move on if reconciliation is not possible.
I hope I can walk the talk.....my W retained yesterday.
Stay strong Scott...stay strong. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Yoyo, Thanks for the kind words. I think I am the lucky one being their daddy. I really have been trying to pour as much as me into them as I possible can. Then I have been trying to focus on myself, gal,and try not to get down. I really have been able to focus at work and finally feel like I am back in the game there. I just need to keep being the best dad that I can and try to move on. It is not what I want but I have to accept it for what it is.
LWB, I love putting my girls to bed. How did the first night for your DD go in her new bed? I really hope that the new bed does not change our bedtime routine.
FIB, Thanks for stopping by. A lot of what you posted is things that I had to wrestle with. Did I cause this? Did I just make a pour choice in my w? Did we truly grow apart? I can go on. In the end I probably will never really understand why. I am OK with that. Sure I still cry out to God asking why. But maybe it is not for me to understand. Maybe it is not my time to understand. I don't know. I am a bit of jock, so like I did while playing sport I left it all on the, that way I can always look at myself for doing my best. That is what I did in my M. I gave it my all, maybe not always perfect but I gave it my all.I can look at myself and know that I did the best that I could.It just was not enough in the end.
FIB.. I am not going to lie to you it still hurts like hell. But I did the best that I could during my M and then in trying to save it. I think the same is true for you. Now we both have to focus totally on our kids and ourselves, then make the best decisions with that in mind.
I wish you all the best. If I get out your way anytime soon I would love to shake your hand.
Journaling: I hope this post is coheirant sine I am doing this on my phone.
I am off to the races tomorrow. It should be a blast the next few days. it will be fast cars and fast woman....ok I am just kidding about that last part.
Tonight I have my girls and we are going to celebrate my moms birthday with her. Tomorrow I fly out for the weekend.
Scott, I hope you have a great time at the races. I do hear that there are fast cars and fast women there, Ha! What more could a man ask for? Sounds like detaching might be easy this weekend!
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
How did the first night for your DD go in her new bed?
Um yeah. I'll let you know when that happens. She is still sleeping basically ON TOP of me in a king size bed. LOL Tonight is the night. If both girls stay in their beds all week, I struck a Chuck E Cheese deal with them for the weekend. lol
I just put D3 in a bed today by the way. hee hee I am glad you are getting new furniture.