CVA - thin PJ's & Massages

[Gone Dancin']

I understand that, but it is equally understandable for you feeling that way. It just goes to show that W needs to work on herself, doesn't it? She can't expect you to come to the rescue forever, can she? At some point she's going to have to hold herself accountable.

I really was sympathizing with you man -- you can't do it all Super-Nicholas-Peyton-Man!

[Puddle]

Hey there zen daddy,

My God woman, how hard is it to have him ready to go, oh wait, she was too busy on the Freakin phone!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhhhhh

Sounds like a good opportunity to show her the laid-back you (was that one of your goals?): "No worries, hon, I'll take care of it." How big of a deal is it for a 9-year-old to be late for soccer (says the mama who freaked out about getting a 7-year-old to drawing class on time today)?

Maybe she was in the middle of a deep conversation about how upset she is about the state of her M.

Breathe, CVA. You're golden.

Take care.

[new_attitude]

Ohhhmmmmmm
Zen Daddy
Rushed home to get S9 to soccer, W couldn't get him ready after I called to let her know where I was. My God woman, how hard is it to have him ready to go, oh wait, she was too busy on the Freakin phone!!!!!!!

Hi CVA!
From a W who has a hard time juggling 3 kids...maybe she was dealing with one or more of the other 3 kids and couldn't get him ready for some reason other than talking on the phone?

Don't take that the wrong way, but could you have been there a little earlier to help get him ready? It really bugs me when H shows up to bring S7 or D7 to soccer right when it's time to leave and I have to make sure they are completely ready to go as soon as he gets there. I always appreciate a little help in doing these kinds of things.

[Heimlich]

Lots of good suggestions. One other thought, the kid's 9. Time for a father/son talk about responsibility. "Get your )%*)*# in gear boy" -- delivered nicely, of course.
BD

[new_attitude]

Lots of good suggestions. One other thought, the kid's 9. Time for a father/son talk about responsibility. "Get your )%*)*# in gear boy" -- delivered nicely, of course.
BD

Heim- I was going to say that too! Great minds... Give the kid a list of things he needs to do to get ready and expect him to be ready on time w/little help from you or w.

[chicki]

I'm w/ new attitude for I too have three kids and I surely appreciate if H arrives ahead of time to help b/c there is always one of the girls who just cant find anything to wear. Also b/c according to H *I* dont dress them right.

Getting three kids fed, bathed and dressed is not an easy task esp. when our SO's do nothing but nag instead of giving a helping hand.

[Not Much Left]

So much for being SuperDad.

I can take my lumps as good as anyone but on this one, sorry, just another show of being inconsiderate and selfish by W.

Her ONLY job is to get homework done and deal with the kids. No cleaning duties, that's it!!!!!!

So, I am a little late but still got home in time. Pretty much on time, ALL THE TIME, and all I was asking was to have him ready. In the grand scheme of things, this is an irrelevant event and I could care less if he is late for practice, but again, give me a freakin break, I pretty much DO EVERYTHING, no joke here. If u knew me u would understand that statement.

I spent years working from home, helping raise babies/kids, clean, cook, laundry (which I still do) so this is not a case of "Daddy goes to work and mommy takes care of everything else". So when people say "you have no idea what its like to be home with the kids all day", ummmmm yeah, I do + work full time. I once stated here that I tend to move at a different speed than others, high gear, all the time, no stopping etc which is clearly part of our problem.

After talking to me, a friend's wife once said "so wait, you run a company, shuttle the kids around, clean, take care of the house, help with homework, take the kids to school...." Wow, I did not know that. She knows my W very well and I think was a bit shocked that W has it so easy. We have a full time housekeeper, yard and pool maintenance and basically call for everything else to be taken care of when needed. If my poor W has a tough day, which is usually a homework incident, it is out for dinner cuz she is to overwhelmed to make something. That S#*t adds up when it happens all the time.

Now if you have gotten this far, you can sense I am very unhappy at the moment. It started with this BS yesterday then there is a book she is reading "Healing is a Choice" on the counter. I believe written by a Christian Pastor author. I flip through it to see if I should read it(honestly, I am WAY beyond snooping) and BAM, the first page it naturally opens to is something she had just read and highlighted. The one phrase on the whole page highlighted is a statement by this author who apparently got Divorced and it says something like "I now feel like God lead me to this Divorce even though HE does not believe in Divorce" pointing out that God is an accepting God and that it is OK to move on and you shouldn't beat youirself up over this decision, which yes is hard but needed to wake up and realize a fuller life.

Well "F" that. This was highlighted in the last week which would actually explains a lot about her reactions/mood toward me.

I just want to know where we stand. Now I am under the impression that she is just waiting for the holidays to be over and get this over with at the beginning of the year.

I am so angry that I am being strung along for convenience sake that all I pretty much want to do is confront her.

I am.trying to calm down and give it time. Pretty tired of me working on this and her avoiding me and giving her time. "I am hurt, whatever, yeah me too, get some balls or whatever girls need to get to deal with the issues".

Signed
Pretty PO'd CVA

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

"you have no idea what its like to be home with the kids all day", ummmmm yeah, I do + work full time. I once stated here that I tend to move at a different speed than others, high gear, all the time, no stopping etc which is clearly part of our problem.

CVA, you clearly do a lot for your family---heck, a lot, period. It sounds like you're caught between wanting some recognition for that from W and knowing that she feels undervalued by you because you don't seem to need her. Does that sum it up?

If my poor W has a tough day, which is usually a homework incident, it is out for dinner cuz she is to overwhelmed to make something. That S#*t adds up when it happens all the time.

Has that always happened all the time, or just during this sitch? Sounds like you don't have a lot of empathy for W right now (and that's probably an understatement!). How much does that have to do with the book you found?

You sound like Heim right now re who's hurt the other more, except yours is who's put up with more.

The one phrase on the whole page highlighted is a statement by this author who apparently got Divorced and it says something like "I now feel like God lead me to this Divorce even though HE does not believe in Divorce" pointing out that God is an accepting God and that it is OK to move on and you shouldn't beat yourself up over this decision, which yes is hard but needed to wake up and realize a fuller life.

Mercy. I think there's a special place in hell for people who use god as a way to justify their own bad decisions, then write books enabling others to do the same.

Well "F" that. This was highlighted in the last week which would actually explains a lot about her reactions/mood toward me.

Well, you have some more information now. (First, you're sure W highlighted the text, right?) W is looking to justify her feelings, which means she's still moving away instead of toward you. Good to know (though it sucks).

Now I am under the impression that she is just waiting for the holidays to be over and get this over with at the beginning of the year.

You may be right. I'm not sure how you could find out without opening a can of worms, but perhaps it's a good idea to go with this assumption. What does it mean to you?

I am so angry that I am being strung along for convenience sake that all I pretty much want to do is confront her.

48 hours. Then talk if you have to. How about this: spend the next 48 hours on just you and the kids, don't think about W. Then see how you feel.

I am.trying to calm down and give it time. Pretty tired of me working on this and her avoiding me and giving her time. "I am hurt, whatever, yeah me too, get some balls or whatever girls need to get to deal with the issues".

CVA, I think she is trying to deal with it, but not in the way you'd like. She's thinking about it, she's reading (unfortunate choices there). You deal with it in your own CVA way.

I can see movement on your side. You're wanting to force a change, get going somewhere. That's fine. Just be sure it's from the right place. Being p*ssed off because of the book isn't the best place. Being mad because you feel like she's stringing you along for the holidays isn't the best place.

The holidays are all about the kids. It's huge for them, as you well know. Maybe you can't put this stuff aside until afterward. Maybe you shouldn't. Don't let the pusher talk you into anything that's less than what's best, though. If it's your pride talking---"I won't be strung along"---then maybe that's not as important as spending one last holiday with your intact family. Only you know for sure.

(((CVA)))), take care.

[Nomopo]

Now that was a penetrating post Puddle! CVA, lots of what she said is similar to what we discussed this morning, by I especially like the depth of these two observations:

It sounds like you're caught between wanting some recognition for that from W and knowing that she feels undervalued by you because you don't seem to need her. Does that sum it up?

Remember how I told you this morning that my W confided in our C that she feels like she has gotten closer to the kids now that we are S'd, and that I realized after hearing that W has likely been in my shadow as a parent for a long time? When we were together as a family, I did most of the talking, I did most of the suggesting of activity, I dominated with my personality. Very enlightening, and similar to P's observation/question, which I think is dead on.

Andy this one:

Sounds like you don't have a lot of empathy for W right now (and that's probably an understatement!). How much does that have to do with the book you found?

You sound like Heim right now re who's hurt the other more, except yours is who's put up with more.[/

Again, pretty spot on I think.

Digest it for a bit buddy.

Talk to you later!!

Nomo

[Heimlich]

Final thought, CVA, and you've heard this one before: You are always there. You've got to figure out a way to give her space. I know you want to see your kids, but there's gotta be a way for you to not be around all the time.