Hee hee! I knew that. I just like to play dumb and see who gets mad. Dumb game I play, I know. Sorry. Big A's fan of course but hate the Raiders. I may have to change allegiance though because my H is a 49ers Fan so now I dunno? hmmm.
Last edited by mkultra; 10/16/0703:40 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
donna, sounds like an awesome day ahead. maybe will take the kids for a hayride again this week...they love it so.
awwww, lwb, I had just decided to wimp out tonight. but I won't. H is coming so I'm going to go ahead and put on my gym clothes now...no excuses once they are on. will do it. and who knows, maybe I'll be rewarded...maybe cute running guy will be there.
mk, as big a fan of baseball as I am, I just cannot get into football. even in high school I went to the games merely to socialize. I don't know what it is. just bores me. the only time I like it is if there are a group of people watching...but again, that's for the social aspect more than the game.
I went to therapy and as usual, I am glad I went. good session. I really wasn't into it when I got there and told her so straight out. little stinker challenged me up and down the block. even my best evasions don't work anymore. lol. all about me, me, me. love it. some about H, but mostly not, even with thursday looming.
Last edited by morgan; 10/16/0704:14 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out.
just finished vaccuming and dusting. the house still looks like 3 children live in it. lol.
starting to get a bit upset about things again. I know this too shall pass, but damn, its hard. its funny, growing up, emotions (other than joy, happiness, gratefulness) were not exactly welcomed or encouraged, and I have a hard time accepting sadness/anger when I feel it. I keep calling them bad moments, and my therapist is trying to get it thru my thick noggin that they are ok and normal to feel. still hard. I keep saying I am wallowing from time to time, but one of the things we talked about today is that I am not actually wallowing, I'm just feeling stuff. and damn, does that stuff suck.
want to sit in the corner and cry for a bit. but I won't...need to hold it together for a few more hours.
at least one good thing, i'm not calling him, or even e-mailing him, and going off on him, right? I'm not snarking or sarcastic about how things turned out. I'm not blasting him for letting me down. I'm not railing at him to be a real f-ing man. I'm not crying and complaining to him about how much he has hurt me. I'm just feeling it, I guess. and venting to you all here. so that, I suppose, is progress. right?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
at least one good thing, i'm not calling him, or even e-mailing him, and going off on him, right? I'm not snarking or sarcastic about how things turned out. I'm not blasting him for letting me down. I'm not railing at him to be a real f-ing man. I'm not crying and complaining to him about how much he has hurt me. I'm just feeling it, I guess. and venting to you all here. so that, I suppose, is progress. right?
YES! That IS progress!
Feel good about yourself for that
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Yes!! You are basically dark, at least for Thursday, and this is GOOD!!! I am glad you went to your therapy today, and its good that she told you YOU ARE NORMAL!!!!
I ran, and did it for you. LOL I didn't want to, didn't even had my headphones, but knew if I would go home and get them, I wouldn't leave again. lol
lwb, I let you down, I didn't make it to the gym. I was goofing off with the kids tonight and my hip popped weird. I don't even know how to describe it, but it was like this pain in my hip, right at the socket almost (god, I sound old). I was fine, then was walking across the room to clear the dinner dishes and boom, it happened again. I decided to give myself the night off. its really weird, at least it only hurts when it pops, which it has now done a total of 5x. actually, I just stretched and it feels like I just did a very weird muscle pull.
anyway, hopefully its fine by tomorrow so I can go. when h got here I ended up just taking a hot shower and hanging out in my room watching tv and chatting on the phone a bit. mostly just listening to them play downstairs...sounded like they were having a great time. which made me both happy and sad, but hey, it is what it is. trying to focus on the happy parts of it.
after I heard them come upstairs I came out to help tuck the kids into bed. they are so sweet, and so tickled that daddy was here. when I came out of D3's room, H was on the stairs waiting for me. he asked if I was sick or something and I said no, that i was fine. he said I looked tired and I told him I was a little, didn't sleep a lot last night. just said it simply, not referring to anything. I wasn't short with him, just didn't have a lot to say.
he got pissy at me. looked really irritated. and I asked him if something was wrong and he just sort of blasted at me that I don't say 2 words to him anymore and it really sucks for him.
what does he expect? seriously? what? I wasn't unfriendly, I wasn't mean, I wasn't cold, or even aloof. I gave him space to play with the kids, before that I was pleasant and said hi and asked how he was and such. what more does this man want from me???
I'm tired guys. Its all I can do not to cry because I'm just tired...tired of being treated like dogsh!t. tired of dealing wtih all of this. tired of being lonely. tired of having no-one in my corner.
sorry, looks like instead of an endorphin rush, I'm having a pity party tonight.
bear with me, folks. it will get better. I will be better.
Last edited by morgan; 10/16/0711:41 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Man, here you are, trying to do the right thing (not crowd him and keep your own sanity) and he attacks you. Deep down he misses you and wants you to make it as normal (ie: easier) on him as possible. Unfortunately he is using your detachment to say "Morgan is being a B____". He is so messed up. Don't let it ruin your entire night. As my D5 says now, according to her teacher, you are doing your personal best. Cheesy, I know, but true. Try to recapture some of the night for yourself.
Sorry the night was rough.I've been there myself. Tonight as a matter of fact. So hard when they are doing well with the kids and even all together as a family except that it's not real. *sigh*
I agree with LWB...your H is terribly conflicted and your behavior doesn't give him cause to continue being an @ss....which makes him very uncomfortable.
Hang in there, girl.
Me (36) H (42) M (12) S-8 D-5 SS-18 D Day (PA) 12/02 S 10/03 R 1/03 S again 9/07 I choose Joy.
My stbx does the same exact thing. I think they just want to believe that we are OK with what is happening. They want to believe everything is great and we can still be special friends with them. I know it's crazy, but so are they! They don't want to feel guilty or want to hurt us intentionally.
They will miss that interaction with you but it takes them time to miss it before they realize they had our total attention at one time.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
