lwb, I let you down, I didn't make it to the gym. I was goofing off with the kids tonight and my hip popped weird. I don't even know how to describe it, but it was like this pain in my hip, right at the socket almost (god, I sound old). I was fine, then was walking across the room to clear the dinner dishes and boom, it happened again. I decided to give myself the night off. its really weird, at least it only hurts when it pops, which it has now done a total of 5x. actually, I just stretched and it feels like I just did a very weird muscle pull.
anyway, hopefully its fine by tomorrow so I can go. when h got here I ended up just taking a hot shower and hanging out in my room watching tv and chatting on the phone a bit. mostly just listening to them play downstairs...sounded like they were having a great time. which made me both happy and sad, but hey, it is what it is. trying to focus on the happy parts of it.
after I heard them come upstairs I came out to help tuck the kids into bed. they are so sweet, and so tickled that daddy was here. when I came out of D3's room, H was on the stairs waiting for me. he asked if I was sick or something and I said no, that i was fine. he said I looked tired and I told him I was a little, didn't sleep a lot last night. just said it simply, not referring to anything. I wasn't short with him, just didn't have a lot to say.
he got pissy at me. looked really irritated. and I asked him if something was wrong and he just sort of blasted at me that I don't say 2 words to him anymore and it really sucks for him.
what does he expect? seriously? what? I wasn't unfriendly, I wasn't mean, I wasn't cold, or even aloof. I gave him space to play with the kids, before that I was pleasant and said hi and asked how he was and such. what more does this man want from me???
I'm tired guys. Its all I can do not to cry because I'm just tired...tired of being treated like dogsh!t. tired of dealing wtih all of this. tired of being lonely. tired of having no-one in my corner.
sorry, looks like instead of an endorphin rush, I'm having a pity party tonight.
bear with me, folks. it will get better. I will be better.
Last edited by morgan; 10/16/0711:41 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
