"I don't know the right or the wrong thing to say about what I did. Try not to think about it. Shameful."
Heim,
Again, please for your own sake try to confront yourself on this with the help of a C. I believe you when you say you momentarily went crazy. But you still need to heal from that, own your actions, and forgive yourself for them. Find compassion for that crazy guy and take care of him.
It occurs to me that Puddle may be right, maybe your interactions w/W that you know intellectually will NOT help your sitch that occur nevertheless are some sort of self-sabotage? Maybe it is a way for you to punish yourself driven by your unresolved shame around the assault? Dunno. Worth considering though...
