Thanks for posting the article, nicky. And also for posting on my thread. I'm back already...
M: 33 MLC/WAH: 33 M 6 yrs, together 12 2 kids: 5,2 Bomb #1: 4/06 - "I don't love you anymore", almost S Bomb #2: 7/06 - EA/PA since late 05, kicked H out/S Bomb #3: 1/07 - "No longer have any feelings for you. It's over.", living w/OW, no talk of D
Do not give anything you have read or posted here to a person in mlc. This is your safe haven. If, and when, your spouses returns to earth, then give it to them, but not until.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly, WHY is it that it hits their 'IMAGINARY WALL' ?????????
Today again, I could tell that my H is still DEEEEEEEEEEP in his LALALAND !
WITH NO CLUE that he is the ONLY person in our circle of friends that sees things the way he does......; ALL the others can see that he is commiting adultery, being a fool, dumping a wonderful wife and kids for a GIRL.....
But I don't see how to break the 'spell' he's under...
so for now.....I accept and move along....my hope and feelings for him diminishing...that's scary.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinder, You have no control over him seeing what he sees. You can't break the spell he's under. He must do this himself and w/the help of the man upstairs. If you attempt to snatch him from his crisis, I can almost promise you that the next time around, it will be far worse than the one he's experiencing right now. Just leave him alone and allow him to do what he must to get through the crisis.
Right now, he's living in the world of denial and if he were to finally look at himself in the mirror, he was crack. He's got to continue on w/denial and guilt for a while before he can begin to move forward. Just like anyone who experiences the grieving process. You have denial and bargaining, long before you hit the really bad depression.
Accept him for who he is today and just go on about your merry way. Keep your focus on your children and yourself. One day, he'll finally get the nerve up to look in the mirror and realize what he's done.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Come on Cinder, you've done this long enough to know that you can't.
YEP !!!!!!! As I wrote it, I knew that NO ONE can actually break the 'spell'. Once again, my faith lies in God, and I keep praying.
Feelings diminishing IS liberating yes, I guess I am afraid that one day I won't WANT him back. But then again we all know that if that day comes, I won't be afraid anymore !
It is scary though....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders - read BBA's thread if you want to laugh about OW. How anyone could be fascinated by Pedro's horror show is truly amazing, but it says a lot about the MLCer!
