"I sincerely apologized from a heart a number of times for my role in where we are."
The Five Languages of Apology might shed light on why your repeated apologies aren't meeting W's need there. People have different languages of apology, just like love languages. So, despite the sincerity of your apologies, they may simply not be getting through to her. It is pretty eye-opening if you read it. Made a lot of sense as to why H and I sometimes get frustrated when trying to apologize to each other.
I did go back to read your first post, BTW. I wonder if you have worked with an IC on this? I think you may be minimizing the real violation that occured. It doesn't matter that it was four minutes, given the sexual nature of the assault. For your own sake, I hope you'll really work on this. FWIW, from my position of having been a victim of sexual assault and being someone who has an XH who cheated and lied about the A, I'd disagree with you that they are on a par in terms of the psychic trauma as violations of a person.
The unattractive interactions weren't anything new. They were just the one's you already seemed to recognized as such, like your tantrum. That's why I said "enough said."
BTW, I didn't intend to make a "dig" about OM. I deleted the comment because I don't feel like getting into another dating discussion. I think I said something like, "If you are dating, you might want to stop calling your W's boyfriend OM." It is simply a suggestion that you own your actions and use words that more authentically express your perspective on your sitch. If you and W are now both in an open R in which you are free to date whoever you wish, then hanging onto the idea of an OM just creates resentment/anger/feelings of victimization needlessly.
