I do not blame you for not feeling safe with xh. Sorry to say he hasn't givin you much reason to.
Just keep doing what you are (detaching,GAL)and let him figure out things for himself. Remember you can't make him grow up or decide you are the one he wants to spend his life with. He needs to do this himself.
Keep in touch.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
