H has left have I Done the right thing

[Dom R]

He wants to meet for dinner on Thursday and I don't want to put any pressure on him or to come across as begging/pleading, but I don't know how to say things in a way that he will listen, but I want him to consider coming back.

The key to that, (if he is in any way willing to listen, which he might not be), is to literally take no more than 60 seconds to say what you have to say.
120 seconds at the max.

We don't seem to have retrouville or marriage building weekends in the uk unfortunately.

you might consider running out and buying one of the marriage builders books, such as "fall in love, stay in love".
They are all mostly the same, just with a slightly different focus in each one; they go into the "love bank" concepts, and how feelings of romantic love, come about through how we are treated.
The point being that, if the feelings rise and fall through how we are treated, then we can feel better about others, if they treat us in the ways we really want to be treated, inside.
The book will help him identify what ways are important to him, and you on how to meet those needs.

it's kinda like the "5 love languages" stuff, but it gets more into the practical, "here's EXACTLY how you do it" kinda stuff.
For example, their books usually come with an "emotional needs" and "love busters" questionnaire, that the other one does not.

Technically, you can also download those questionnairs from the marriagebuilders website.





So anyway, if you can pique his interest in 1-2 minutes, on the CONCEPT of "romantic feelings arent random, they come about through specific causes"... enough to read either the entire book, or at least the "basic concepts" summaries on the web site... then you could really be onto something.

But: you also have to be prepared for the possibility that he will not be interested, and his mind be closed.

If begging hasnt worked... then you will probably be best off doing this in an extremely non-needy, non begging, but purely rational, detatched, "here's an interesting theory" manner.

ie: "This seems to be an interesting theory. If it is right, it could completely revolutionize our marriage, and the way we feel about each other. If there was something we could both choose to do, that would make both of us feel incredibly romatically attracted to each other again; would it be worth investigating?"

Or, if he's the debative/argumentative type, "This sounds correct to me. Do you think you could show me where it is wrong?"



However: once the 120 seconds is up: like azhira said... trying to pressure more than that, is just going to make him dig his heels in more. So I think you should let it drop after that, if he doesnt show any interest"