So, like it or not, I get to find out how well she gets by without me. Either she gets hurt--which I had always tried to avoid; or, she learns to fend for herself just fine--which means that she doesn't need me, after all.
There's another option. You both learn how to let go of these roles, move away from the drama, and possibly start a new, more healthy R down the road. (That's my goal for myself at the moment.) You don't 'need' someone; you don't 'need' to play protector. You should compliment each other, not take turns playing rescuer.
I know that's why I'm trying to do. I just wanted to show xh life could be 'better' than what he'd gone through as a kid. In the process, I suddenly ran everything for him...you know, to 'protect' him from himself. Blech.
At first I found his 'needing' me for everything very sweet. Then, ironically, I would often find myself feeling resentful of his overwhelming neediness. It was suffocating.
And I'm tired of playing this game.
You know what?
xh is finally fully supporting himself. For the first time in his life. He's going back to school. He's doing well. And I am sooo happy for him! I'm hoping, at some point, that means we can reconcile into a more balanced, less see-saw kind of R. If not, that's okay, because I honestly want to see him happy and healthy and doing well.
