CVA - thin PJ's & Massages

[Nomopo]

Here's the newest decision. I am going to give notice end of Oct on the apt, which gives me to end of year, in the meantime, I am on the watch for the best place possible.

If Xmas rolls around and we are not working on things, pretty sure emotions will be high and something is bound to happen.

Hey Buddy. Question: why haven't you done anything about the unsatisfactory living arrangements yet? My guess: you're scared that if you make a move to more separation (eg, changing your living arrangements and. more importantly, stopping going over there every day just about), that it will likely convince W she doesn't want/need you, or push her towards a D somehow (eg, that she will decide you don't care, you aren't committed, whatever). Do you think something like that is right? That you're scared to change the status quo cause you don't know how W will react and you fear that it will push you towards a D?

If so, that makes perfect sense. You're human. I think we all have that fear at some point in a process like that. I did - at the time W decided she wanted to S, at the time of S, at the time I decided I wasn't sure I wanted to work on things and told her as much, and when I recently moved to shake up the living arrangements, finances, custody and going public.

But I think in your sitch it is key to keep in mind that (1) your W has not gotten the time and space she most likely needs and sought when she asked you to move out in order to figure things out for herself, (2) things don't seem to be getting better the way they are now (and maybe can't get better the way they are now), which means you need a change even if a possible outcome is that it leads to or hastens a D, and (3) you're not happy, and you need to focus on you and take care of yourself, which is why a change is good (but not to teach W a lesson, or be punitive). I'm rushed, and that jumble was pretty much just free flow thinking, so I hope it makes sense and helps. Back for more later.

Thoughts?

Nomo

PS - sorry I don't have time to edit it.