How do you know when you are piecing? I got the I'm confused, I need space, I'm not sure I am in love with you line in mid-August. I started reading and DBing a bit. In mid-September, he clarified to the ILYBINILWY position; however, he never made any moves to proceed or leave and seemed tortured and confused. There was a probable EA. After a couple of weeks of DBing in earnest, we had some talks about my changes and he indicated approval but no "change" in his feelings. I talked with him about the necessity for time, as he had been hoping that the feeling would just come back, thus motivating him to work on the relationship. I think that he finally got the fact that this order will never happen; we have to work to restore the feeling. A couple of weeks ago, we had another R talk (I try to stop myself, but...), and he said that he really did want to try. Since then, we have ups and downs. There is not a lot of physical affection (which I crave), but there is a lot of good conversation. This past weekend, however, we had a great time one evening and afterwards H initiated ML. The ML was good (if not the best, as we both probably felt a bit weird after all the things said). However, the next day, he seemed distant again. Is this normal? Also, is it too soon to be piecing? Back to the original question, how do I know if we are piecing?
yup- it's normal. 3 steps forward, 2 steps back. Always be prepared for the pull away. That's the rollercoaster ride.
It all depends on your situation and what you are expecting to know if you are piecing or not.
For me it was when H said he was willing to work on things and come home at some time. That told me I was no longer saving my M by myself- we were doing it together (albeit with me using DR still).
Sometimes I still feel like I'm not piecing- more like in a stalling pattern.
Illuminata, I haven't found a concrete definition of Piecing yet. I would say you're Piecing when a platonic connection has been restored in the M, there is stability, and connection seems to be increasing. This sets the foundation for rebuilding the friendship, improving physical intimacy, and reinventing the R.
It sounds like you're in the early phase of Piecing. His interest in trying to rebuild the R is a positive sign.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
