I live it and dream it.. ugh!!

[saffie]

.....not walking around with shame and perpetual grief. He challenged me to not allow myself to be "defined" by this crisis in my marriage.

This is so obvious but so hard not to do!! And maybe for a while one does need to go through this phase before healing can take place - it's just to stay there will kill you.

Did you advisor give any good advice on how NOT to do this. It's hard to feel that that is not how others WILL define you when they discover what has been going on but I guess when you think about others who have been through similar sitautions that isn't your enduring memmory of them - you see them as people - people who have been hurt but who survive and move on.

saffie