I think you are getting there. You'll be fine. You will be fine as a single person.
If I look at your husband with cynical DB eyes, I would say, he's a selfish chronic adulterer who hasn't grown up and is losing an amazing woman. If I look at him with compasasion, he's a confused man gripped in the addiction of an affair and possible MLC and needs a lot of growing up to do, but you can't be his mother, counselor and wife. And like any good spouse of a person with and addiction, you've got to stop enabling his behavior. When you stop it -- you are really loving him by not allowing him to be self-destructive.
You seem to be detaching well.
And, as SuperDad says, it's not what you say, it's what you consistently do. At some point you will say, "End it with OW or I'm leaving you." And it's what you DO that will show him your serious.
I personally need a GAL accountability plan. My pastor/priest had a long conversation with me about not walking around with shame and perpetual grief. He challenged me to not allow myself to be "defined" by this crisis in my marriage.
Recently it was very hard for me to, more or less, not plan anything for my wife's 40th birthday. It's not that I wanted to hurt her. It's just that I felt stange about planning something for her since she clearly told me she'd rather be with OM.
Sometimes it's what you DON'T do for them that sends the signals that you are moving on.
