1) She wants him medicated because she doesn't want to be bothered with him. It's as simple and crappy as that. Watch for her to attempt to doctor hop until she finds one that will medicate him and then you can consider the possibility of going to court over it and getting an independant evaluation ordered. That will be an uphill battle. Read everything you can about ADD/ADHD if she pushes this.
2) He shouldn't be running around with a bunch of other kids at age 8 so give her that if that's what happened.
3) The overall problem is a lack of consistency, lack of guidance and proper discipline and further, a lack of real give-a-sh*t on your ex's part because it interferes with her and Prince Charming.
4) You're either going to have to get on the same page as her on this matter or draw the line, pick your balls back up and fight her. She's a talker and she thinks she is full of wisdom. READ so you can put her in her place.
8 years olds shouldn't be unsupervised. That being said,heis notht eonly one to have ever called 911. if the kids here are caughtdoingso,they pay their allowance for a week or do a weeks worth of after school work for the officer....
I know my kids wouldhve gotten more than 1 day but that is because I am a hard a**.
kids with adhd don't need constant supervision...they need consistent limits and consequences
Amy and Frank are right...boost your adhd quoting power. Read read read
I don't know that he was "unsupervised". I believe they went out to get some candy or something and were screwing around. Also, I think there is a difference between unsupervised, and not under constant direct supervision that XW is talking about. She is saying that he needs to have one of us with him at all times no matter what he is doing. I disagree and think there are times when you need to let your kid go on his own. Obiviously being 8 he isn't going to stay home for a day by himself. But I let him go to the pool(also I know or am related to most of the lifeguards) which we live 3 blocks from. Didn't have a problem all summer, they would have let me know. I don't think it was "impulsive behavior" which is an ADHD catchphrase, I think he was screwing around, and he was punished. I probably would have given him more that a day also, but I don't have him tomorrow or Sunday, and I don't think what he did warrants something through the weekend. I have been reading a lot on ADHD and the different meds, as well as talked to teachers, his doctor, and other parents.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
there is a growing belief among professionals that children have become over-medicated. There are probably a lot of links to that information and I would keep that on hand to quote back to her
The main thing is that right now, S8 seems to be doing OK. His next appointment is on October 2nd. I don't think that he will be diagnosed ADHD. I shudder to think what will come out in these appointments.
I am and have been super busy so I will paraphrase.
I have had a few "run ins" with XW as well as OM in the last few days.
I got screwed out of Trick or treating(which falls on my Bday). She already told the kids about their plans, and I am not going to pull crap on the kids where they will be dissapointed. I have told her that she needs to check the parenting plan, that I will let it go this time but from now on Trick or treating is mine... IT's important to me.
She is nuts, we knew that, but not to the extent that I have been seeing. Just because I disagree and attempt to discuss conflict(like an adult), I am poking and needling her, and disrupting her drama free-simple life.
OM is a dark, mean, internally ugly man. He got in my face over a disagreement that XW and I had. (I made a mistake on some homework, which I accepted responsibility and apologized for). In the process of this, he basicly said too bad at the stuff he says to S8 about me, he also mocked him, and did a pretty rude impersonation of him. He called me a $#!tty father, and attempted to "tell" me when I would have my kids at his house one day..... He is lucky that s3 was in the car, and he knows it.
I will update more later, right now I gotta get some guys up for "piss-tests" (At work right now).
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Just got back from the doctor with S8. All the doctor said was that they were going to do testing and I gave his the surveys filled out by XW teacher and I. When he brought him out I asked how the testing went and he said,"good, he is really smart". He then said that he had to talk to XW and that S8 gave him the number so he left a message.
When we got in the car I called her and told her everything that I just relayed. I also told her when the next appointment was and that she could take him if she would rather it be in the afternoon(better for school). I got a real quick I have my wek planned out already, I can't take him. I told her that that was fine. She then asked me, "what's his number". Very disgusted sounding tone.... I gave her the doctors office number. She then hung up....sweet girl.
So that's that I guess.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Registered: 10/22/05 Posts: 1768 Loc: Wisconsin I Originaly posted this in another section My soon to be ex-wife of a little over seven years and I have had an extremely intense and mostly happy relationship. Our sexlife was extremely active for the most part, other than droughts due to medical reasons. I have treated her like a queen to the point where I probably allowed myself to get walked on. We have to boys ages 2 and 6 and she had one from a previous marriage age 11. A little over a year ago we had discussed communication/connection problems and agreed that we needed to make a point to spend more time together. She had just switched jobs and I keep a pretty goofy schedule, but our schedules allowed us to spend plenty of time together. Shortly after this conversation our baby niece died, my Wife spent a lot of time supporting others and doing a lot of things in regards to that. I don’t feel that she ever really dealt with her own emotional aspect of it. She hasn’t slowed down since, a lot of job stress, a friend with lung cancer(she planned and ran an entire benefit for her), and helping people through various crises. I grew resentful that she wasn’t around but instead of saying anything I shut down. We became close friends with another family through her and a woman she works with becoming best friends. We spent a lot of time with them through out the summer and I assumed that we were still happy, I was urged to go to a lot of social events with her, but she still wasn’t around a whole lot. She had a hysterectomy in June and ever since she went back to work things have been different. Once recovered she was all over me, but she still would be gone a lot, she would go and sleep at her friends house, and just not be home. Her friends family and ours basically became a double family with my wife and her husband not being around a whole lot. I developed feelings for the best friend but never acted on them. We found out in early September that the other families 2 year old has Leukemia and we both spent a lot of time dealing with various aspects of that. The last month has been hell, I have been uneasy about the relationship as she seemed to be planning things or not telling me about things until there was no way I could attend. I had confided in the bestfriend and she constantly reassured me, I felt that for a while we had been the only support network for each other so I trusted her. Then Friday the 14th the bombshell was dropped. She told me that she loved me but hadn’t been in love with me for 5 years, and I had to know that this was coming as she had suspected my feelings for the best friend. She told me that this had nothing to do with anything other than the fact that she wasn’t in love with me and wanted to be alone and independent she said that she didn’t want to work anything out it’s over and now our conversations need only be about our children. She said that she was happy now and it felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. I had suspected feelings between her and another guy which she had always reassured me was just the guy being there for her, because she needed me to be there for the best friend. I had again asked her about the other guy and she admitted to feelings between that both of them, she maintained that she hadn’t cheated on me but if she wouldn’t have left probably would have and declared the marriage over. I was a mess and she just left to go hang with her friends and new boyfriend like without missing a beat. She is moving out on Friday (my birthday) and she only wants to talk about business and the kids, we are doing this amicably but every attempt to try do “talk to her” or email her is met with rejection. I try to convince myself that she wasn’t in love with me but every time I get close something pops into my head. I came clean with my feelings for the best friend and thought I made it clear that they were gone before any of this happened and that I was ashamed of them but my wife was never there. That is the only thing that gets any emotion out of her as it relates to us. Other than that she is either emotionless or cruel to me. She maintains that she hasn’t been in love with or attracted to me for a year(it changed somewhere along the line). She is moving so fast I am actually worried about her because her friend with lung cancer is close to passing and my wife is going to crack when it happens. She maintains that she is happy now, but I have been through this with her before when we split up for a time before we got married. She has made sure to twist a lot of my words around to the best friend who I depended on to much on Sat and Sun and has tried to use the fact that everything I said got back to her. The best friend was also my best friend but now will not talk to me out of loyalty to my wife and anger over my feelings for her. I have admitted my part in this, but she continues to paint me like a psycho in my dealings with both her and best friend. I know that she is sleeping with boyfriend and it kills me, I know that this divorce isn’t right but we went to prose on Thurs and I had to drop the paperwork on Friday. I originally said I wouldn’t but she said that she would just take the day off and do it herself, we are joint filing. I need for her to save her leave time for when lung cancer friend dies, because she is going to need it. I don’t understand how things got to be such a mess, and there are so many other things that race in my mind. I am, however, in a better place than I was even six months ago because I have spent the time alone reflecting on myself, she has not been alone one night since last Friday and she says that when she said she wanted her independence and to be alone she ment away from me, and that she still wanted companionship, and that she hadn’t had it for a long time. I would call in sick to sit home with her all the time, that’s nuts. I am looking forward to my life happy with myself and would rather have her with me through it, but I don’t know how to do this when she will not communicate with me and maintains that she has told others about this as far back as a year ago. There are many people that can believe that she was unhappy but not with me or not in love with me, and I just have so many of the little things in my head that just won’t allow me to believe that. There is just so much that I know about her, I feel that this can’t be right but if the last few months were any indication of what our life was going to be like then I’m not sure this is a bad thing. I think that this was already a good thing for me because something had to change, I have woke up and got my spark back. I think what would like to see is her willingness to work on this. The only people that she spends time with are a circle of friends that haven’t really known her for a long time. All of our friends that have known us are shocked and will not believe that she doesn’t even have feelings now. The only things I know at this point are that I Love Her and I am worried about her, and this whole mess really really sucks. I have fought this for a week and I know it has only pushed her further away, she is leaving on Friday. What can I do, I can't find the book.
Tomorrow it will be 2 yers since the dropping of the bomb. Time goes so fast once you get to be my age, I will be 32 on the 28th(which will be the 2 year anniversery of XW moving out.....nice girl). In 2 years it went from ILYBINILWY and you're a great guy but it's just not there to I hate you, you are a horrible father, and the list goes on and on and on and on and on. I look at that first post, and I remember how I felt while typing it.... Scared, alone, anxious. I wanted it all to happen so fast. I have gotten better in some aspects of my life, worse in others. But over all I am doing OK. Which is good, because lately S8 isn't. XW went from(2 years ago), he is fine kids are resilliant to(2 weeks ago) he has ADHD he needs meds. Me, his doctor, the C and his teacher do not believe he has ADHD or needs meds and his C thinks he has issues stemming from the D. XW and OM talk about me non stop, it's never nice. OM has gotten all up in my grill about how I raise my kids, XW has told lies and made nasty accusations about me. So I guess in comparason, I am better off than I was 2 years ago, I know I am OK(Dear reader, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY BE TOO!!!) but it was a long and difficult road. Not so sure how hunkydory things are over at the love shack though. They will be married in April, then I bet it will pick up.
K back to me now. I am in a new house. Slow but sure the whole Photography thing seems to be taking off. I am dating....kind of. I party a little too much, but am getting better(or else just sick of it). I am at a crossroads in my job. So I guess I am probably like any other 32 year old dude hopefully. There are times that I miss my family the way it was(especially StS13), but I also know that I never would have come out of the downward spiral I was on if not for the seperation at least(I will never admit the D was a good thing). The main thing that I learned is that as long as I "let go" and give it to God, no matter what the problem is, I always end up OK, not always perfect or the best, but always at least OK.
I was messed up for a long time. I am even(as in straight) now, grounded. I had help on this board it was a life line for so long and Amy, Frank, and Faith, I will never forget you. You guys are awesome friends. You are the best.
Last edited by blyndfaith; 10/13/0707:32 AM.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
I know that I have said a lot on these boards how I have felt like a cold piece of plastic and I am ready to snap......
On the way home from school yesterday there was a lot of the whole mamma hates you stuff and I'm sick of her making you out to be a bad parent. Then yesterday and last night into this morning was real rough with S8. I don't know if he was unwinding or what. Despite that, I have decided to go ahead and do pizza and movie tonight, because I honestly think that it would help rather than hurt. I spent all day punishing, and correcting yesterday. I think S8 needs me to just say, "to hell with it" we are starting over today.... No pressure. Maybe I'm wrong, but at this point....well there is no at this point. If I blame her for his behavior when he is here, I am as bad as her saying that he has ADHD because she doesn't want to "handle him", however I find it hard to believe that I can have those boys everyday for 2 weeks straight(overnight for 5 of them) because I was on my weekends off, and have minimal problems, but now after my weekends the "Monday syndrom" is back. Anyway that is it for venting for today.
Last edited by blyndfaith; 10/16/0702:11 PM.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
On a positive, for an hour the boys were very good and S8 carved his pumpkin(first year he actually did it, not me...well I helped though) and s3 colored his. I will have pics up on my picasa later.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
I don't think I ever realized before just how close our joining dates were.
I could never have made it through this far without you either, Blynd. So many nights I was in the midst of my drama and you would be pulling night shift posting to me, helping me get through. I have wondered, for those of us that never physically get to meet each other in this life, do you suppose we might we instantly recognize each other in the next? Wouldn't that be one awesome "reunion"? Kinda makes ya wonder if heaven could even contain us, huh? Uh oh... Is it presumptuous of me to think we'll actually be in heaven...hmmmm....
