Your H has probably been a classic conflict avoider, perhaps also passive/aggressive, he stonewalls and clams up rather than discuss a problem. Let's just say he is emotionally challenged/handicapped.
Your H was probably raised in a strict environment and was not comfortable expressing his feelings or he was shot down when he did. He learns to stonewall and keep silent rather than talk about what is wrong. Read Scott Wexler's book on Passive/aggressive behaviors and you will discover how your H was complying on the surface, but internally he was storing and accumulating resentment over his whole life from childhood on. Right now he is like an alter personality. For years you only saw his nice side, now the other side is out in full force - he's selfish, nasty, competitive, narcissistic, etc.,etc.
And I think this is true for a lot of us: prior to MLC we lived with and accommodated [because we loved them] a fairly difficult person.
Along the way I think our playfulness got eroded, and the bomb and aftermath gave the final hammer blow. Then there was teh long and painful period of geting up off the floor, and finding who we were.
Now we have to learn to play again. And I mean play, enjoy ourselves without thought of self-improvement. Kids need to play - through play they learn and grow, and express themselves.
I have started doing ballet and ice-skating. I also play the piano but that, for me, is very different, because I am committed to it. The ballet and ice-skating are FUN. I feel different about me, my body, and my spirit, by doing something that has no goals [no exams, tests, objectives]. I will never perform or compete. I do it for the sheer joy of living.
What I am saying, is, however busy you are, do something playful. If you have small kids, 'play' with them even more than you do. we need remedial silliness in our lives to complete ourselves and heal, IMO
What do others think? Any ideas for playing? Most of us are busy and many of us dont have much spare cash.
