Yeesh! I had no idea appraisals were so expensive. Looks like it'll be in the $350-$400 range. Soo... going to wait on that until the same week that one of us officially moves out (likely me, but we'll see). I don't want to get an appraisal only to find out I can't go anywhere for a month and have to get another one.
So... that's off the list, but working on the rest.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Oooh, good thinking, OT. Especially all of H's tools,toys, etc. - those are worth money.
Talk with an attorney before the appraisal, I don't know if that's accurate that the value is based on when you move out. I would think it would date from when somebody files something. Dust gets to stay in her house until her D graduates at the end of the year - but the buyout her H has to pay her will be based on the value when she moves, unfortunately. So it would be good to talk to the attorney about how best to set that value now, AND whether you need to get H to sign a separation agreement in which he makes the mortgage payments before you move out. Remember that you moving is leverage, don't waste it. If he wants you to move out, he may be motivated to sign a separation agreement that favors you to get what he (thinks) he wants. Don't waste that by moving out before planning.
Hi Nikki, Sorry to see you in this place but you're handling things with grace. Hope you're able to put this out of your mind for a few days when you go away this week to decompress. Thinking of you...
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
Ooh, thanks for the reminder OT! I had that on my list but forgot it on my "critical before trip" list.
Ellie - yeah it's kind of weird, the first L (phone consult) I talked to told me it was based on the "day someone moved out with no intention of returning to the home." The one I talked to today and meet with tomorrow told it's based on the date "of trial" - I have no idea what that means if there is no trial.
That is an excellent point about using the leverage to get him to sign a sep agreement. I think he just might do that. I'm still trying to do an "in home sep" first just to get my own space, but that's a great idea. The in home sep may just shock him a bit too, he thinks I'm looking for places to be out and gone. Moving into another room may make him go "oh crap she's still here, what can I do to get her to leave?".
Care Thanks, me too!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
While I'm thinking about it.. thoughts on how to phrase this in a business like way?
(I was thinking something like.. I can't afford to move out and continue to pay the mortgage so I need a financial agreement in place. Here's what I think is fair..)??? (I do have a good idea what's fair, will verify it with the L tomorrow).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I can't afford to move out and continue to pay the mortgage so I need a financial agreement in place.
I wouldn't put it quite so bluntly - makes you seem needy or weak.
What about - "Let's sign a separation agreement so that I can move out and we both can move on with our lives". If he asks why you need the agreement to move out, just say "We need to have an agreement in place so that finances will be managed properly".
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Although I dont post a lot I have been keeping up with your thread and am so sorry that things have deteriorated to this extent for you. I dont have much to add other than your caring nature is very evident through your posts and you deserve so much better for your efforts. Your H is a fool if he cant see that but the WAS's cant .
