Cease fire! Lock and clear all weapons! My last thread is locked.
Thanks, COG. That's what I was thinking all along. It wasn't that I was "afraid" of her on this one, it's just that I know what the cost of my D17's school is, because as you recall, I wrote about getting her into the school last winter. It doesn't seem like the "third front" to a war I want to begin.
As you will recall, D17 communicates from her school via a Parent Portal where one of her recent messages talked about "my mental health when I return" and "the prospects of Mom dating"
I called D17 and of course, against all reasonable behavior, probed the perimeter about "mom dating", absolutely against anything I should have done. I then moved on to talk about all of the kids meeting me in FLA for my R&R in April.
Well, of course I got an email from W. telling me not to make the "kids into pawns" in this whole thing.
She did go on to say that she is not dating, but has "developed a very strong friendship with her boss" who is a 65 year old attorney who by all outward appearances seems happily married and just a supportive guy, but who the hel* knows....don't they all??
She said that "He's been very supportive of her, the kids and get this......me.
He did tell me before I left that he was "glad there were guys like me who would risk it all by going to Iraq. That way, his sons wouldn't have to!" AWESOME support, great American!
Anyway, before she left for Utah, D17 heard W. say to boss "I love you". She explained it at the counselor's office that we were all at, that she says that to a lot of people, including one of our close mutual friends, which she does.
Whatever. Don't know what she's doing with the guy, if anything. Don't know if he'd throw away everything including his law firm. Who knows. Some friends I work with told me it's definitely an affair, but it may be more emotional than physical, as she searches for "the person to knock her socks off" as she put it. Yech!
Before we met, she dated this 50 something year old guy when she was 25.Peculiar.
She went on to say in her email that "her position and feelings remain the same as they have over the last few years"=unhappy, want a D.
I wrote her back, and said I understood her anger over the last few years, but never understood her unhappiness was disguised as anger (unreasonable anger that no one could interpret, including her family).
I told her, I would not ask kids anything about her in the future. But...I also did add:
Now I want to tell you straight up (Because she felt she needed to be her usual steamroller with me" with the in my-face STRAIGHT UP shi*)
"You're friendship with (BOSS) has confused D15 and D17 because they both told me that it did. When you said you loved him, how do you expect a 17 year-old girl who loves her father to feel, with her father sitting in the room! (He’s likable; it's just that they saw him in my space). A long time ago my oldest daughter went so far as to refer to W. as a "who*e", which I quickly and fiercely shut down, but that's what they saw.
I felt that kick in the stomach re: W's assessment of where she viewed our M after 1.1 years of separation, most of it because I'm here (AND I’m glad that I am), but I have to say, the "kick" did not last as long as usual, as I have started to plan "as if", but in this case..."as if" I'm D.
A new wrinkle: A woman I work with has begun emailing me with just small talk, as have a number of others I work with. One of my co-workers has told me this woman is very attracted to me. She is a beautiful, successful and sweet woman, divorced for many years.
I'll continue to write to her, as I do to all who write me here in Iraq, but never will I cross that line into the flirting or suggestive arena. But maybe sometime down the road, who knows...just not now.
But you know what? It does show me, that as COG and MK and Matilda2 have said in the past: I am a good man, and I can attract other women and have a happy life if this doesn't work.
I certainly don't wish for a D., but every day, I do seem better able to squash that "fear" of it, mainly through you guys. Don't forget me guys. I can't thank you enough. You have all been great. COG, you are a saint, man!
I didn't forget you, FLTC. Others will find you soon. The money thing is still bothering me. I understand about what COG said and how YOU feel. However, I am just a bit concerned about you being a martyr! I can say that because I've always been the matyr in my family!!! You deserve a fair portion of the money YOU EARN! Make sure you value yourself for who you are...apart from your marriage and family.
What can you do to make yourself happy... just by being FLTC???
FLTC Glad you are making life dangerous for bad guys. If the bad guys cease taking up air and releasing carbon dioxide then Al Gore would need to ReUp to find new work.
I would not give a married older law professional who has acted as you describe any credit. No idea on what has transpired.
Matildla2 is giving good advice.
Always knew your pos just stayed below the wadi surveying.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I'll again push you on the money issue. Sure your daughter's school is expensive and as her father you should be paying a portion of it. I can understand that you feel like as her father you are responsible for her and should pay it all. BUT, and this is a big but, you are also responsible for taking care of yourself. How will you be able to be that great father when you return if you are as broke as you could ever be and back living in that horrible garage apartment? By being a martyr all you are doing is hurting everyone in the long run, especially yourself.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Glad you found me. I think the answer may be somewhere in the middle about putting some money away. I really need to act "as if" I'll not be moving home whne I return. I can't see it happening. I've been out for over a year now, and her last email was the usual "my position and feelings on our marriage is the same as it has been for the past several years". I won't roll over, but..this has not changed one bit from last August 06
So, what will you do to prepare yourself "to act as if you are not moving home"? How can you become happy just being YOU? I am asking because I am asking myself the same question!!!!! I have spent so much of my life taking care of everyone else that I really don't know what I need to do to take care of myself. I am trying to figure out what will make ME happy!!!!
I don't know if you'll understand this. I suspect you will. My deployment to Iraq has not made me happy, per se, but has given me such a sense of inner peace and satisfaction because after 26 years in the military, I've slayed the dragon in terms of "can I do this if I get called". Having served for 26 years, and always have "ridden the bench", especially after 9/11, I have fulfilled such a big part of who I am by being here. It has literally gnawed at me since 1981. Can I do it? Will I get a chance to do it? I have served my country when others did not, could not or would not. This has filled a large void in me that NO ONE can take away from me. It has instilled me with a lot of confidence in other areas (I hope, transferable when I get home)
If all else fails, I have taken care of such a large piece of ME, that I can move on in other directions I believe. If you've never been in the military, you can't understand it, I guess.
Making me happy when I get home? If it doesn't work, and I'm accepting it more readily each day that it won't, I'll be like the rest of you guys: struggling to find a new home, try to heal myself and the open wound of not living with my kids 24/7, and trying to make myself whole and attractive again, so I can perhaps find love again some day. Since I am so much more at peace with myself, this will be somewhat easier than it might have been. I actually volunteered to deploy, because I knew it would be for ME. In my earlier posts, I said I was being considered to mobilize, but it was all at my own volunteer hand. It was so tough to pull myself out of my funk at home, and this has been so beneficial for me, I can't tell you. DB is all about looking out for you, and detaching (and looking after your kids, of course) financially, my family has not suffered. I am high ranking enough where the money is really good, and there's no place like the desert and a war zone to re-evaluate your life.
Great to hear you're doing better. Now, what's your personal budget look like? What's your plan to ensure you get that nice mancave somewhere with a little extra space for visitors? How about that car? Cable TV? Internet? You should look to create your plan for your return. What your finances will need to be for you. Will it effect your family negatively? Yepp. Not your choice. If she wails about having to sell the house or pay out to you to keep it then "You chose this." should be simple enough to come out of your lips.
I'm glad you've had the chance to fill that "benchsitter" feeling with action. I was in the military in the 80's and had to get used to the "We serve who only sit and wait" mentality.
