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Your job now is to give her space, let her live her life without your expert guidance; otherwise, she isn't really without you. She can't miss you!

There is much profundity in this simple observation of yours. My XW has never been allowed to "sink or swim" on her own, because I had always been so quick to jump to her aid at the first sign of any trouble ahead. I had become so sensitive to her history of abuse and mistreatment that I was determined to protect her from any and every possible source of suffering, pain, or injustice. (This must have been a subconscious decision on my part, because I really don't think of myself as a "controlling" personality. On the other hand, I remember being warned by her/our therapist that the roles of "rescuer" and "victim" can be reversed quickly and unnoticed.)

So, like it or not, I get to find out how well she gets by without me. Either she gets hurt--which I had always tried to avoid; or, she learns to fend for herself just fine--which means that she doesn't need me, after all. \:\( (Damned if she does; damned if she don't.)


A successful man earns more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who marries such a man.Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.