Sooner, I'm glad to see you're taking my suggestions with a grain of salt. You know your wife and r'ship and have a much better idea of what will or will not work. There may not be a magic "key" that's going to open the door wide all at once. You'll probably have to keep trying different things and gradually pry the door open. You've already identified some of the things that you want to do differently. If what makes your wife feel close is feeling that she is understood, you don't have to agree with the content of what she says. Acknowledge her feelings. Deal with the content later or not at all. This works wonders with my children. Once I've empathized with their feelings, without saying one way or another whether I agree with their viewpoint of things, they become much more willing to listen, talk out, negotiate, or whatever. This works even if I'm the one they are upset with. I don't think adults are much different.
