Thank you again for your suggestions. Quite honestly, it's hard to say how any of them will work - but I'll go through them and give you my comments.
First approach: I'm a funny guy, but when the topic of sex comes up (or appears to be coming up) there's no amusing my wife. She gets very defensive and I don't think an attempt at humor will help. The kiss sounds wonderful, but unfortunately it's been years since I've had a kiss from her that was even slightly romantic. If I tried to kiss her, especially when starting a discussion that might lead to the sex argument, she would pull away and look at me like I'm crazy. This in turn would hurt my feelings and probably ruin any chance of a productive discussion.
Second approach: This has a better chance of working, but I still don't think she'd believe me. She'd likely think I was just trying some new approach that I'd read about (which of course I would be - even though I actually do care very much about her feelings).
Third approach: Pretty much the same as the second approach except that it would take her by surprise if I dropped the discussion and said that maybe we could talk later. This probably has the best chance of working as it's different than what I usually do. Still, it's no sure thing.
With regard to how I'd handle her dumping on me all the things I do wrong that make her feel less close to me, at least she'd be communicating which might better help me to understand her concerns. Unfortunately the few times that she's actually started to open up a bit, I've gotten defensive because I usually don't think I've done whatever bothers her. This obviously was the wrong way to handle it and has contributed to our inability to make any progress. I'm hoping that in the future I can listen attentively and tell her I'm sorry rather than being defensive.
Sorry that I wasn't overly optimistic about any of your suggestions - I realize you're trying very hard to help. Please continue to give my situation some thought as you have time and let me know any other ideas that come to mind. Thank you so much.
