It's so nice to see this thread. I know that sometimes hope is all that us LBS's have...at least it was for me on those hard days. When I thought I couldn't do it anymore.
So, here's my story - I'm just going to hit on the major points:
Summer of 2002 - H's Father passes away due to shady circumstances. He has difficulty coming to terms with it.
Winter 2004 to Summer 2005 - Due to medical conditions I am unable to work. Causes much stress in our family and our R.
November 2005 - H goes to Las Vegas for his company's 100th anniversary. H admitted later, that this is when it all started with OGW. He actually hung out with her on the entire trip, and passed out in her room! (Actually the whole company gets sent, with spouses...but due to our situation I was unable to make it.)
Thanksgiving 2005 - Yes the day of Thanksgiving, H drops bomb. Gives the ILYBNILWY speech. I am devastated.
Shortly after that, H starts going out with his employee. She's a lesbian in a relationship. At first it didn't bother me too much. But, after awhile it became a problem because he was spending too much time with her and NOT with me. He never invited me so I became suspicious. All through out this, H kept telling me she's only a friend. Nevermind that throughout our relationship, he said that men and women cannot...I repeat CANNOT be platonic friends. No matter if they are gay or straight.
Also, he was spending our money like it was water. Which left it difficult for me to be sure that the bills got paid and put food on the table. He even had the audacity to suggest I was stealing from him! He was heading to the bars with his OGW, texting her everyday, calls in the middle of the night, hiding his cell phone, and drinking on a daily basis. Our financial situation was not good. (All this time though I too was working full time.)
Jan 2006 was his birthday. I suggested that he go "home" and spend time away from us, and have fun. He took me up on that and headed there in Feb. And on this trip he took the time to "look up" ex gf. They didn't sleep together, but he did admit later that that was his intention.
So, while he was away....SS11 had a small crisis that I handled on my own without calling H. I made sure the boys were entertained and not wondering why their Dad never called while he was on his "business trip."
Then this is when things turned...
In between Thanksgiving of 2005 and Feb 2006, I had helped H face reality and go see his Dad's grave. Which he hadn't visited since 2002. I helped him try to grasp that it wasn't his fault that his Dad passed away. I also realized that H had been in MLC since 2002...so by 2006 about 4 years. This opened his eyes some.
So, in Feb 2006 H was on his way home from his trip. I had texted him saying that I was leaving work to go home. I wasn't feeling well. H texted back sounding panicked. He wanted to know why I was leaving, and what was wrong. I texted back telling him why. He texted back saying call him when I arrive home. So...with a sick feeling in my stomach I did.
H confessed to every thing. That OGW WAS the other woman, as unconventional as it sounds. All the times he went to the bar with her, he kissed her. He had gone over to her apartment, against my wishes. Spilled his guts all over to her.
Then he confessed about his ex gf. What his intention was, and that he did kiss her too.
H also kissed his friend's neice. 18 y/o mind you.....but still.
He said that he didn't want to be with anyone but me. That he's realized that I do love him and he realized that he loved me too.
That's when the real work began. No, my H never moved out. Yes, he was in "active angry" replay for 5 months. Seems short? Not to me. I do believe that he was in MLC for the 4 years previous. From February to April, there was lots of cycling.
H transferred positions to get away from OGW. They sat next to each other. Well, he transferred and so did she. Same department. Nice huh?
Trust is easily lost and hard to regain. Things are great now. It's taken me 16 months to regain confidence and trust. H transferred again, away from her. And got a big promotion.
Our M is better than it was before. It's been 19 1/2 months since he wanted back. And we'll be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary in March.
H's been talking about moving out of state OR having another child. We're waiting till the beginning of the year to decide.
It does happen. Patience, unconditional love....and hard work.
RedUmbrella
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
