Thank you so much for taking the time to read my entire post and giving me your thoughts concerning my situation. Your comments were excellent and they helped me to better understand what my wife might be going through. They also made very good sense and were well written - you should write your own book! For what it's worth, I thought I'd go through each of your comments and give you my thoughts.
I'd never really considered that my wife might be really worried about her low libido. I know that she does get the impression that I'm blaming her for our problems, and that she finds it hard to open up to me. She's actually told me that she hates telling me anything because I will use it against her when we get into an argument. I'm definitely guilty of doing that and I will try very hard to be more compassionate and understanding of her feelings.
You made a very good point on the helping around the house issue and I agree with you completely. I will try very hard to change my thinking and see the things I'm doing as simply my responsibilities rather than a means of earning "points".
My wife actually told me, a long time ago, that she stopped cuddling with me in bed because I'd think she wanted to have sex. I can understand why she felt this way, however I've tried to alleviate her concerns by promising that I would never initiate anything sexual if she cuddles with me. This hasn't helped. I've also offered to completely eliminate sex for some agreed period of time, or until she tells me it's okay to move on, so that we could work on just cuddling, etc. until she felt more comfortable about sex. She didn't go for that idea either. Unfortunately between our busy schedule and our girls, we don't have much time for taking walks or exercise right now, but I'll do what I can.
When we had our argument last weekend, I asked my wife to read the SSM. Now I'm afraid that it will affect her exactly the same way it did you. You're not my wife in disguise are you? Just kidding. Your example about my wife handing me a book that says an active sex life is not important to a good marriage makes an excellent point. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do about the SSM. I may suggest that she read the section pertaining to the sex-starved spouse first - that may help.
I think it would help if I could take a break from focusing on our problems - but that's easier said than done. Being close to my wife is the most important thing in the world to me right now - and I'm not just talking about sex. I've always been extremely happy (always considered the class clown, etc.) and have never been depressed. But now I'm very depressed because I feel like my wife isn't in love with me and that we'll never have the close, loving relationship that I had always envisioned marriage to be. It's hard to say "okay, I'm just not going to worry about this anymore" and go on about my life. However, I'll try - that's all I can do.
I really do appreciate your comments MPT and I hope that at some point I can help you as much as you've helped me. Our situations do seem to be quite similar. Please let me know if there's ever anything I can do to help you understand what your husband may be feeling.
