I got on here tonight because I screwed up badly and got into the "sex argument" with my wife. I'll get back to that shortly, but first I'll respond to your questions since you were kind enough to respond. Although I've heard of the book "The Five Love Languages" I haven't read it and I don't know anything about the love language concept, therefore I can't answer your first question. The others are somewhat easier. Since our intimacy problems began, we hardly ever cuddle in bed. I occasionally try to cuddle up to my wife and she either acts aggravated or says something to let me know that she wants to be left alone. On rare occasions I don't get completely turned away, but she never "cuddles back". This leaves me feeling like I'm probably bothering her, but I usually continue as long as possible because I'm dying be close to her. If I touch her at all in bed, either with my hand or my foot, she usually kind of jumps like she's startled then rolls farther away. With regard to her family, her parents have never showed any affection towards each other in my presence in the 10 years that I've known them. I suspect that they've never been very affectionate with each other, although I don't know for sure. As far as the journal goes, I probably won't get much closer to keeping one than what I write on here unless you (or anyone else) can convince me otherwise. My wife already accuses me of "keeping track" of everything good or bad that happens in our relationship, so if I was keeping a journal I actually would be keeping track.
Okay, back to the sex argument. The last two nights I've been working on a letter to my wife because I was hurting so bad that I was afraid I'd eventually blow up. I went to bed around 10:30 and she was already asleep. I tried to cuddle up against her, and she huffed as if she was frustrated and rolled over. This hurt my feelings and I said something, which of course started the whole argument. It was definitely my fault - once the argument gets started I can't let it go. And one of my goals if you read the previous posts was to never let the sex argument get started. So I definitely failed. She acknowledged that I'd been doing much better to help her more during the past four weeks and said (as always) that she was just starting to feel closer to me before I went and screwed everything up. If I only knew how long it would take before she'd feel close enough to me to be interested in romance, I could probably hold out a lot longer before blowing up. My concern is that it could be several months or years. I can't live like that.
So my question now is what should I do. Michele mentioned "getting angry and being less available emotionally", but I’m not sure exactly what that means. I am angry that I’m trying so hard to meet her needs yet she won’t put forth any effort to meet mine. But I can’t stop caring about her – and I’m afraid that if I act like I don’t care she’ll continue to feel that we aren’t close enough for any kind of romance. Someone please give me some ideas.