For the moment I’m sticking to my plan, but I don’t know how long I can hold out – the hurt builds up inside of me a little bit more every day and I’m afraid that I’ll eventually explode. Every night I go to bed, just hoping that my wife will at least reach over and touch me, only to fall asleep feeling very alone. Sometimes I purposely stay up until after she’s asleep, because it makes me feel “less lonely” to sit by myself and read the paper, work on the computer, etc. than to lie in bed and be ignored by someone that I love and desire so much. I can’t complain that my wife is resisting my advances because I’ve stopped making any – is this the right thing to do? On one hand, I feel like if I never touch her or act interested in romance, maybe she’ll miss the attention and begin initiating things. On the other hand I’m afraid that by doing this she’ll think I’m happy with the way things are. I don’t want to “guilt” her into doing something that she doesn’t want to do, but I want to make sure she knows there’s a problem.
I’m curious what you mean by pulling back emotionally for a while. At times I’ve been tempted to sort of give her the cold shoulder. But I’ve been afraid that doing so would make things worse since one of the reasons she’s given for our lack of intimacy is that she “just doesn’t feel close to me”. This took me by surprise because we get along very well with the exception of the times we’ve had the sex argument. We’re obviously not close on an intimate level, but I believe that as friends we’re much closer now than we were before getting married, at which time we had a great sexual relationship. It just doesn’t make sense to me.
One final question that’s been driving me crazy. It hurts me so much that my wife hasn’t kissed me romantically in years. Sometimes it makes me feel like I must be the most repulsive person alive. We used to make out frequently and it's not as if I've changed drastically since that time. I haven’t been disfigured in any way, gotten fat, lost my hair or my teeth, etc. and I practice very good hygiene. Are there any “typical” reasons why a person would completely lose interest in kissing their spouse? Is it common? I’m just curious if you can shed any light on this issue. Thanks.
