Sooner, I'm glad you found your way here and that Tim is responding to you. His advice is, as usual, great.
Your situation is the primary reason I wrote The Sex-Starved Marriage. I truly believe that good marriages are based on mutual caretaking and that sex should be a consideration just like anything else in marriage. Plus, you write so eloquently about your real feelings when your wife rejects you. So my question to you is this.
I know you tell her how difficult it is when she rejects your advances, but do you go into detail about not feeling wanted, about wanting to be close to her, about the hurt and devastation you feel inside? And instead of telling her, have you written a letter? Sometimes that helps. Plus, if it's true, you might tell her that you have had thoughts about leaving, other women...whatever...and that you truly want to stay married and be monogamous. She needs to understand how her flat out rejections are impacting on your marriage.
Beyond that, you should go through the book and figure out strategies you haven't yet tried. The book can help you do that.
Hang in there, keep working on it. As Tim said, things can get better. Michele
