I agree with THeo saying that you are truly detached when LBS is at peace and ready for a D. I feel like I am (almost ready). Nowadays, I no longer cry so much, I keep thinking whatever happen I will be OK. I still treat H nicely because I know I love him. But I also understand that if he cannot quit OW, I will no longer live in thsi situation and I will leave. H knows that now (or I hope he knows). I no longer take his threats of D. If he wants to D, that's fine with me. In short, it is what we always say here "I want to be with you, but I do not need you". You will know when you are at that point. There will be peace within yourself. It is different from giving up on the M. I still want my M and I still work towards restoring the R, but I know where my boundary is and I no longer fear letting H knows that I will walk if he does not end contact with OW.
