Thanks for asking - trying to stay in the present moment (PM) and not worry about if he is talking to OW again or what the future will bring. I have no reason to believe he's in contact with her but this has been his pattern as soon as he starts getting sad/withdrawn it's because they are in contact again. H would be the biggest fool to have started it up again considering what it would do to our kids. So I have to believe H is telling me the truth that there has been no contact. What other choice do I have....
I am a control freak and it's hard to let things go - I just want to fix everything ASAP and this has been the hardest thing. Learning some patience and accepting that I cannot fix H - he has to do it himself. I have been fairly positive all week so things have been going well. It seems so like we are dealing with things at the surface and there's a whole second layer waiting to unfold. We are just taking it day by day.
I did send in my check for the weekend of 10/26 - only three weeks away so that is good. H says he wants to do this too hopefully I am not putting to much faith in this weekend!!
Have a great weekend everyone!! TGIF!!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
hi limbo, my H and I havent been doing well lately. Ive been mentioning ow. i really want to go on the retro weekend but i have my doubts that he will. last mo. they had one and he said he would only go for one day which they dont recommend. im really nervous about asking because if he says no i dont see how this M can be saved without learning better communication skills.
sara have you and H gone on the retrovaille weekend? If anyone has can you tell me what info they had about adultery and other topics such as communication.
Things are not so OK - we seem to have regressed in the last month and now I am starting to wonder if the OW has contacted him. This has always been his pattern - she contacts him and they start talking and he get sad and withdrawn. He seem so much more distant - I mean I was gone this WHOLE weekend to Chicago with my girlfriends and he could barely hug me when I got home and said he could pass on sex unless I wanted it...real romantic. He would be all over me in the past. Hell this past July and August were awesome he was affectionate
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
and very loving but still could not say ILY - which I understood but now he seems almost forced in any affection he shows me...
I asked him last night if he is talking to her and he said no - but my gut says he is...He did do a ton or work on our house and cars and even when grocery shopping and planned dinner for when I got home - so I know he is trying and maybe I am just making some bad assumptions. I am just so tired of giving myself emotionally to this man and he is withdrawing worse. He gets upset and says he does not understand why but he does not want to fake it with me or lie to me about his feelings (or lack thereof)... What is going on???? Why to these WAS struggle so much???
We are going to our Retro weekend on 10/26 and H wants to do this or so he says...I just hope we are not putting to much faith into that weekend...
Okay off to work - I am tired of my attitude and I need a new one... How do I stop the worrying about OW? Even if he is talking to her I feel I could not throw him out once again - I was much more detached in June and now I get to start all over??? I am so so tired and am breaking down just typing this - gosh I have such a pity party going on I am embarassed and ashamed - what happened to the strong independent HB???? I want her back!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
Hang in there! The retro weekend isn't long away now and it will help! I would just try to detach as much as you can right now, just be calm and make sure you get to the weekend. Our H are so confused they just don't know if they are coming or going, and the one major thing I learnt is that we expect so much of there "return" we want things to be all wonderful and see them back to us 100%, but they are dealing with so much emotion that it will take them along time to wade through it all, my H biggest problem was the guilt, he didn't believe he deserved us, so this led to alot of problems... Just get to the weekend and see what happens from there, this was my cut off, if the weekend didn't help then I was prepared to say enough, I had given all I could at that point...so just see how you feel, how you both feel after the weekend.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
