Jeff 52, former W 44, son 10, daughter 6. Bomb: Feb 2006 I moved out (to give her space): May 2006 She wants a D: June 2006 Filed for D: Sept 2006 D final: any week now depending on the legal stuff
No recap. I want to forget the past, live in the present, and plan for a wonderful future.
I did my best and I failed to restore my M. That is not negative - it is fact. Something in fW snapped and her switch turned off. I cannot control that. I did my best.
I have also turned off my switch. I feel little desire for her anymore. She is the mother of my kids and that is our interaction and it is good. My switch turned off b/c I reached my pain threshold.
I no longer stand - I am ready to divorce.
The anger is gone and so is the resentment. I am working to build a strong personal boundary that will be controlled by assertiveness and courage. Assertiveness to be strong as a man and the courage to do the right and honorable thing, every time.
Yes, I still feel frustrated and sad at times b/c I know I could make it all work out given the chance. I KNOW she still cares. But that is not what I can control.
I also fear the future – especially I cannot see myself dating. I lack confidence to dive into GAL. But I intend to find the courage to overcome my anxiety.
The rest is sorrow: loss of my best friend, loss of the familiar, loss of security, the impacts on my kids. Things I also cannot control.
It has been a long 21 months. Bittersweet.
Many positives, many new friends (especially here), so many emotional experiences, so much growth as a man, so much more growing to do. So many opportunities.
But the negatives suck big time. But failure means growth. I failed, but I am not a failure. I was put in this trial for a reason - I am coming to understand why.
