I understand you have spoken to a DB coach and the strategy is GAL and try to connect with husband.
Have you decided with you coach how long you are to keep doing this?
I like the DB philosophy of doing something different if what you have been doing doesn't work.
DO you see small steps forward that will reasonably lead to him dumping OW? If do, keep at it. If it's not working, think of changing your plan.
Remember the DB philosophy always sees the cup as half-full. As long your husband wants to make love to you and is relatively nice, the DB coaches will tell you to hang on -- even if it takes 2-3 more years. Is that what YOU want?
OK...let's be honest, are you able to GAL in the current circumstance? I'm finding it hard myself. I've reached the point of being pretty much perpetually pissed off at my wife and very negative at home. I'm worn out. I've reached the emotional place where I'm probably pushing her out. I don't think I can attract her back anymore.
I've read some success stories where detachment only REALLY occurs where the LBS is really at peace with the end of he marriage and ready to move forward with a divorce. The WAS knows when this shift has occured. Because no matter how much "space" we give them, and how much "GAL-ing" we do they can always sense our fear, desperation and hovering. We are trying to win them back, and as long as that's the case, they will have all the powe and won't give up OP. When you are ready to move on, you are likely to see change in your husband.
Olive. I don't think your husband will make a decision. It's been a long,long, long situation -- he's not prepared to, or has any reason to. Why should he? He has two women who desperately want him and won't let go.
In old DB language, he's cake-eating.
You see...it was the BOMB of the OW that got you to reconsider yourself and your marriage. You are trying a nice, sweet gradual approach to winning your husband back. I think it will be the bomb of your willingness to leave him that will probably shake him out of his complascency. And Frankly, Olive, your husband needs a BOMB to change him. You are treating him like gold right now and he's still with OW Are you hoping for a nice gentle switch on his part from OW to you? He might -- but I think like all of us, he needs to sense he's losing something before he changes heart. He needs a good old fashioned epiphany.
I think I've said my peace on this Olive. Good luck.
