Hi Cat,
I'm really sorry about the way things are going for you and yours. Maybe it's the way things have to go to get to the other side. Even if that's true, it sucks.

I hope MC helps, and I hope he goes with you.

As you know, I feel the way you do about
Quote:
I'm afraid that in the end I would have held up all my affection and love for so long --because he isnt' ready to take it -- that there wont' be much left when and if he is ready
It's a topic I'd like to work on and figure out. It's a tough one, and I think a real risk. My sitch is a lot "nicer" than yours, and it's hard for me. Yours is tougher. I comend you for your strength and I hope you'll be able to relax and not need to be so strong in the near future.

Here is a thought though - relevant or not - we, as the LBS or whatever label fits, are strong and facing a huge test. But our WAS is facing a huge test too. They are showing strength and risking a lot too. I just wish we were facing it together. I'm just saying, we are great people but we should beware thinking of ouselves as better than our spouses. We're different people than our spouses, facing different challenges, not better. If we feel we are better, can we put together a good and healthy relationship? Maybe we are more 'mature', 'together' than our spouse. Maybe our differences, where we are on life's path, are so great that we can't stay together. But I don't think we are better. Although you probably are,Cat! ;\)

So, here's another thought for you. Maybe it's time for you to separate from your H. I read a book titled Controled Separation, and the author claims it saves marriages. Maybe being separateed would allow your H to work on his issues, and keep you from having to deal with his stupid nastiness. I don't think anyone has to put up with rudeness (note the use of "I" statement. My opinion only). Maybe it would lower the tension level and make it easier for all of you, including the kids.

If you remember my sitch, my W and I are separated (not legally, but physically, by about 3 states). For me, it's a mixed blessing. I can be so relaxed. I'm enjoying myself. I can forget my problems for hours on end (I don't think I've made it through a whole day, but I've been close). I think the separation has really helped my W feel better. The down side is that we are separated. It's hard to work on a M/R via weekly phone calls.

Just something to consider.

Good luck, I'm wishing the best for you.

M45, W45,S15, D10,
Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07
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