Sorry about the multiple posts--must have clicked a few times.
Six months, eh? I can't even imagine how long that must feel. These six weeks have been the longest of my life. Is your situation any better now with your S? I'm glad to hear you GAL helped. But didn't it feel so empty GAL at first? I want to come home and tell my partner about everything I just did, then realize there's no one to share it with who really cares....
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Better?? I guess it all depends on your perspective. Is he still on the fence.. yes.. he sure is and I'm pushing him to jump off. Do we fight all the time? No.. My H is still living at home and I have chosen to make it a good home free of constant bickering and turmoil.
But, you are right. GAL sure does feel empty at first because you are so used to sharing your life with someone. However, we were all great people before we met our significant other and we are all great people now. Life goes on.. It sucks right now for sure, though.
I hope no one has to deal with this as long as I have. It's tough; but, I think the first few weeks are actually the most difficult.
No one (out of my friends) really understands that when I say I want this to end between my partner and the OP, that it isn't necessarily about wanting her to appear on my doorstep. I would find it easier to GAL if I knew that other person wasn't there as such a distraction so that my partner could do the work she needs to. There's just this other element there now that on the one hand shouldn't be my concern, but on the other hand, just absolutely consumes me. Any efforts I make to pretend this isn't happening fall so flat.
Good for you for kepping a positive space in your home. A port in the storm...
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
I feel like I'm in a holding pattern. Each day that we don't speak feels like she's drifting farther and farther away. And since we only seem to speak when she needs something, it feels like what we do say is wasted. What if when I give her all her stuff she cuts off all communication? I know the OP has been giving her ultimatums to get her stuff or else, so she has stepped up efforts. And despite my fears of her cutting off contact when she does get her stuff, the reason I haven't gotten it done is lack of time. I have to make photocopies of all the business stuff, copy pictures, DVDs, CDs. I'd have to quit my job for a couple of weeks to get this all done. And as long as she's sleeping with the OP she is not allowed in the house. What has happened for those of you in the smae spot? Once your WAS got all their belongings, did they stop contacting you? Was it "final"? I don't want her to forget about me.
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Ok...now she's in ultra angry mode. Do I ignore her and not engage? Do I defend myself? She's angry with all of her friends who (she feels) are judging her. She feels everything she has done is justified and beyond reproach, but people don't like how she's speaking about me behind my back, nor are they happy about her cheating and lying. She wouldn't even have had the time of day for someone who has done what she's done, yet now she's angry at everyone else, but taking it out on me. I basically vent on this site, not to people who know her, so I have just treated her the way I want to be treated--with kindness and compassion. And all I get back is anger and bitterness. I thought she was so bloody "happy" with her new life??!!
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
Don't engage but if you get caught up in it, then nod in agreement, say "I can understand you feel that way", things like that. Do not defend yourself, it'll make things worse. It'll diffuse the situation if you just acknowledge it and then walk away if she is totally disrespectful.
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
I would like to know the answer to that too but there probably isn't one. I dont like being in a "holding pattern" either but since there's nothing I can do about it I am GAL. At least I'm trying too. Sara told me a few days ago and it has stuck with me..."do what you have to do not what you feel like doing".
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
That makes sense...I was told to "fake it til I make it" but I'm not fooling anyone, least of all myself... I just found out she's going away for the weekend with the OP. I know they're together every weekend anyway, so why is this so much more upsetting? Not to mention the fact that she owes me money, and I can't believe she would continue to disrespect me by not living up to her responsibilities and paying me before going off for a weekend of fun. We hadn't been away for a weekend in over a year because we were broke, and now off she goes.
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." -- Robert Anderson
