NEWBIES ! Hope - list of restored marriages !

[poohbear]

This is by far the best thread started on this board. But I guess I can say that because of where I am today:

Summer 2004 - Caught my W in a lie. At that point, she asked that we attend M counseling. I agreed. We went to 12 sessions and seemed to accomplish quite a bit. Things appear to be going very well.

July 2005 - While I'm away on business and just finished working 40 hours straight with no sleep, W informs me over the phone that she wants to separate. When I got home from the trip, I begged ans pleaded for her to reconsider. She was very angry and I had no reason why. She stayed in the house for the next 5 months. It was extremely uncomfortable. The kids new something was wrong. I got the ILYBNILWY speech. She said she was unhappy for years. All the keywords you will hear from a S that is ready to get out of a M.

April 2006 - She moved out. She bought her own house. I agreed to 50% custody and payed her child support. The two older children got to choose who they wanted to live with. One decided to stay with me. The other went with W. Our S7 split time with us. I hated every day of that arrangement. Because of this arrangement, I saw her almost every day. I was dying inside. I lost 40 pounds and numerous hours of sleep.

December 2006 - She states she definitely wants a D. At this point, I dropped the rope. I decided I would live my life for me, and deal with the consequences of D when it comes. Because of Maryland law, she could not file for 2 years. I was not going to file, and was willing to wait for that long. I started just dropping the kids off without getting out of the car. I would stay upstairs when she came over to see the kids. Basically, I shut her out of my life. During this time, my well being got better. I was feeling better about myself.

April 2007 - W calls me to apologize for not being the W I needed or expected her to be. i informed her this is not the case. I never said she wasn't the W I needed her to be, until she walked out the door. During this conversation, she informed me she still intended to file. So I wished her well and said goodbye.

June 2007 - W calls again to discuss having a family day once a week. I told her I cannot do that because we are not a family anymore. That is how I truly felt. At that point, she wanted to have a R talk and get to the bottom of things. I agreed. The talks turned into courting. We started dating each other again. Things were getting better.

August 2007 - W has moved back in. We continue to talk about our R, but with constructive and positive results. It will take a while for me to regain the trust. I know this will continue to be an uphill battle. But time and faith will prevail.

I learned a lot from DB and DR. I learned that we should never stop busting divorce, because no matter what we want to believe, that option will always be there. I also learned how valuable I am to myself. I will never lose sight of that again.

God Bless