Hi, just a quick update. I've been a lot warmer towards him. He seems to be responding quite well. I spoke to him at the week-end, about our sex life(we haven't for almost 5 months). I said in a very nice way that i miss our physical relationship. I said i missed the closeness. He agreed and said that he hasn't felt particulary sexual recently. I said maybe it's all the stress he's under. I said we don't have to go the whole hog just be close and playful and take our time. He said that was fine, but did say he doesn't want to be pressured. I said ok. I also said that if he thinks it's a stress problem, maybe he should go to the doctors. He didn't disagree.
Now my feelings are that, yes it could be stress, too much drinking. However in the back of my mind i'm thinking in all of the 10 years we've been together. He has never gone off sex. He starts a R with someone else and he goes off me. Okay he's never addmitted an A,but as you know there is strong evidence that there has been. I find myself going through phases of being obsessed about whats going on. Last week i was on the internet looking for key logging softward and tracking devices. I'm just desperate to find out what the bloody hell is going on. I've calmed down a bit this week, but the erge is very strong. I know people say focus on yourself and don't focus on what you can't control, but i really, really, really want to know what the hell i'm up against.
I did read your post and I totally understand what you are feeling.
I wouldn't go down the software route - if he found out he would get really mad - cheating or not cheating he would get mad - well my H would at me spending money on something like that anyways.
Why not ask him if you can book him a doctors appointment and see if he will let you- or even you go to the doctors yourself and talk generally to them about stress and alcohol and sex issues. They must have some leaflets etc they could give you to give to your H.I know thay can't talk to you about your H specifically but they can talk around the subject generally at the doctors.
Whilst you are feeling calmer work on YOU don't get too tied up in if there is another W involved. I know it is easy for me to say this as I know where I am now. I wouldn't have been able to not snoop if I suspected my H of doing something. I think I was lucky that I didn't ever suspect enough to snoop - that H told me. BUT I can see why not snooping is a good call. I would only snoop now if I knew that I would be willing to split if my H was with OW. I know this is the case as I don't check up on H which I thought I would maybe do. I still don't trust him 100% - don't know if I ever will - but as I still want to be with him and he appears to want to be with me I'm not snooping. It takes time to reach that place though. You have to be able to see the reasons for not snooping for yourself. It has to come from within.
Nina, I am at home ironing. I shall be on and off the boards. If you want to talk let me know. Txt me or something.
I know it's hard.
(((((HUGS))))) Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
