My wife is the one who wants out not me. I pay all the bills on the house. She works 2 nights a week makes maybe a $100 bucks a week. I am paying for the cell phone that she texts and talks to OM on. Plus the bill has doubled since she really started talking to him. She has basically thrown me out of my own home. I am esentially the babysitter on the days she works. I at 36 am living with my Mom and Dad. The reason that I am living there is because my wife thinks I am being selfish in asking her to leave. If my best male friend ever did anything like this to me and then expected me to be nice about it I would tell him to F**k Off. To say I resent her a bit at this point is a bit of an understatement.
I took the high road when I left. Thing about it is that 3 weeks ago things were going well not perfect but well. This request for me to move out and give her space came from out of the blue. If I tell someone I want space that means I will come to them when I am ready. In my mind she just wants me to let her do whatever she wants to do while I act like nothing is wrong. To do that is really really hard. I am human. I do have feelings.
She still has not admitted any wrong on our situation. She has said she has had a EA but no PA but that I pushed her to it. Of course I have listened. I have listened to "I don't know what I want". I have said I understand so much it has become part of my vocabulary. Hell I tell the women at work I understand.
So I started this responce yesterday. Was at the beach with kids. Finishing it tonight. I had a great weekend with my kids. I get home and my D13 says mom wants to talk before you leave. I get the kids unpacked and settled. I ask my wife whats up. She says to me do you have any money? I said no. I left Friday night with $43 in my pocket. I came back with $10. She worked Thurs and Fri night. Sunday night she is broke with no gas in her car. Let me just say. WTF. Here is the woman that has told me ILYBNILWY. Asking me for money when she is living in the house I am paying for. You know what. I felt bad about getting pissed off about it. A big part of me wanted to say "where did your money go?". I told her yes I would give her money. I felt like a douchebag saying that.
I went by the house to pickup some paper work to fax on the house. I had her sign it and she followed me down stairs. She says to me "What is wrong with you". I did not go the route you think I went. I just simply said "I am watching my family fall apart and there is nothing I can do" She started crying and said she could not deal with this and went inside. Should I have said nothing is wrong? I love my life. Its great. I am so happy. Well that is just not me. Wrong as it may be as Divorced as it may get me. That is not me. I did not get here because I spoke what I felt. It was exactly the opposite that got me here.
The guy that my wife married was carefree. Spoke his mind. Enjoyed life. He was fun to be around. She convinced me that she did not like that guy. I bent. In bending I was resisting. Anger, resentment, jealousy, all the stuff I am not became what I am right now. You know I never expected my wife to be anything other than my wife. She wanted me to change to suit her. She forced it she complained about it. Now the guys that she is clinging onto are exactly what I used to be.
I dont want to be a better man in my next relationship. I don't want a next relationship. Never have ... Never will. I want to be the best man I can be in this relationship. Have I made mistakes. Hell yes. Has she? Hell yes. Does any of that really matter. No.. We both know we made mistakes. Question is what are we going to do with it.
I am sorry if this feels like a rant but maybe it is.
I have been treated better by people that hate me. To me and going back to what GD said I gotta be the old FG. See what you did not get GD was that FG was me back in the day. Maybe 6-7 years ago. I am "Bubba" now. Talking all the time about my shrimp. And the many ways you can cook it. Forrest was always one to stand out. It did not matter how "retarded" he was he always stood out. Good always followed him. "Jenny" was his true love. Everything he did was about her. If he realized it or not. I claim the name FG simply because he is likely me. I am a simple man. I enjoy life. If I am not good enough for you, then so be it. Forrest knew Jenny was the one for him. Jenny had to "find herself". "Jenny" "found herself" in what she was not looking for. When it comes down to it I am not looking for much. I want someone to love me for me. I want to be me. If me is not good enough or me can't make mistakes. Then what good is me. Me was good enough 13 years ago. Why is it not good enough now?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
