Jak - thanks for posting. Yeah, I'm thinking about ways to convert the office over. I dunno, I'm really not sure how long I can emotionally handle being this close (physically speaking) to him. Will see how things go this week.
husband - it was in Folsom, CA, called Powerhouse Pub. Near Sacramento if you're not familiar with Folsom. I just saw you're in Cali too - what part? (if you don't mind me asking).
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Ah ok - you're in the area I'm planning to take my little road trip, then. I think Napa's about 2 hours from here or so, so you're pretty close! I thinks someone in "We're separated" is over that way too but can't recall who it was.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I don't have but a minute and I haven't even had time to catch up on your thread, but I wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and I know you're gonna be great! Believe it!
I'm so sorry for all the hurt you've been thru lately. I really am shocked by the repeat of your sitch. I still haven't lost hope for you though. But I know it's all on your H now, and you definitely need to move on. Keep that door open, but do as you said, stop putting effort in the M. He may just realize how much you really mean to him after he's lost you.
and I agree, don't believe any of that "never loved you" crap. it's nonsense,...they all say it. And I know it's crazy that your H can hold you and give you sympathy for hurting you an everything... my H did the same. I'm just thinking, how can you care for me and yet do this??? I really think they are just sick in their mind, and it's basically corupted their thinking and so they can't even open their minds to the possibility of things working out. it's impossible in their minds. But of course we know better. I'm very glad you aren't going to shut the door for good, and I'm glad you are committed to taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do.
Definitely go on a vaca somewhere for a few days. and if at all possible, I would not move out of that house, but you should find another room to sleep in. could you move all your new bedding and everything somewhere else?
Just imagine how weak your H is right now. He not only has fallen in a trap of one EA, but a second. Just show him how tough you are and how his weakness isn't going to bring you down. You deserve so much more, and maybe he will open his eyes soon enough to win you back, but either way, you WILL find someone who will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
I'm so sorry how things have turned, and I know that you will conquer it all Nikki, you are so wonderful and I really love you as a friend. I'm really glad we all have been able to go thru these times together.
have a really good time on your trip, and just pamper yourself. My prayers go out to you, and also to your father.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Ah ok - you're in the area I'm planning to take my little road trip, then. I think Napa's about 2 hours from here or so, so you're pretty close! I thinks someone in "We're separated" is over that way too but can't recall who it was.
Hey NikkiB,
Do you remember if they were male? It would sure be nice to be able to talk with someone face to face.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Feel like I'm in a whirlwind today but it's good in a way.. at least I'm moving SOME direction. Backtracking a bit because I didn't fully reply to SD the other day..
SD Thanks for the hug (and the laugh). I'm leaving on Weds. for my little road trip and I am sooo looking forward to it. I will use that time to finish clarifying what I want but more and more, I think I need to be away from this house, from my H.. need to really see what life apart is like. I used to fear it, now I think it might be a relief.
I'm working on at least temporarily moving into another room. It's going to be really cramped but I think I can make it work with a small enough bed (maybe even a futon or something).
I'll think about that in Mendocino, thanks for the recommendation! I'm for sure doing Napa and will most likely drive up to Mendocino. It looks really beautiful. And some of the rooms aren't that pricey, especially for the area... and the say rates are lower during their slow times. I'm thinking Mid-week in fall is likely slow... hope so anyway! Thanks again.
Julie Thank you! Working on drumming that into my brain.
OT Basically lack of alternatives on where to sleep, but I am working on fixing that today. I tried to sleep on the couch both nights but woke up around 3ish with extreme back pain so ended up going to bed. I did some measuring today and am looking at beds this afternoon. I figure I'll get something cheap that I can use for now, and it can go into a guest bedroom if/when I move.
Donna Thanks for the hug!
ST Thanks. I absolutely agree I need to move on.
Maybe I am just not thinking clearly - but I know you and SD both said I should not move out. Why?
I don't plan to file unless I need to for financial reasons - will talk with a L about that. But I don't see any reason NOT to move at this point.
I think that H plans to stay in this house either way. If we D, he's already said he'll buy me out. I had thought about doing that but have changed my mind (I don't want to live here if we D). So, given that... I think the only way to move forward is for me to move. For now I'm working on a spare room until I can get things together enough for a real move. Am I just over-reacting?
I'm not deciding anything for sure until I have some time to think it through and talk to a L.. but I'm feeling like moving is the right choice.
So my priorities for this week... - Schedule L consult (I got a name of one today finally). - Schedule IC. I've left 3 messages over a week's time with no call back..grrr.. so I guess I have to start the whole insurance process over again to get a referral to yet another one. - Get the house appraised. - Set up a bedroom / space for myself. - Set up spa appointment and plan road trip. - Begin figuring out financial logistics and what my housing alternatives might be.
Am I missing anything?
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Husband - I believe the DB'er near you is female, sorry!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
