I am sorry that you have had to make the decision to call an end to your stand. By that I don't mean that I think you are doing the wrong thing or even the right thing for that matter. I think the answer to whether it is the right or wrong thing can only be found through a great deal of prayer. I know the decision certainly cannot be judged right or wrong by anyone here.
I think at the beginning of my stand I believed that if I only had enough faith, my marriage would be restored. As I look at that it sounds like I am saying that faith just doesn't cut it. In fact the point I am trying to make is quite the opposite. I think if there is one thing we all need desperately at the beginning of our situations it is an overdose of faith. We find ourselves so overwhelmed with grief that we reach out for that one thing that will comfort us. If we are lucky, when we reach out, someone like you takes our hand and leads us to the only One who can ever give us any real peace. Once led to The Source, we cry out, we thrash, we weep, we curse and we pray like we have never prayed before. Along the way, we find faith, and we find it in an abundance like we have never before experienced. Yet somehow, even with all this newfound faith, many of our marriages are still not restored. What are we doing wrong?
The answer is .... we're not doing anything wrong. Faith is the place we needed to be when our problems all began. Well, better late than never. The funny thing is that once you have found all this faith, you begin to realize that "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Phi. 4:13. You begin to realize that there can be life and it can be well lived even if your marriage does not find restoration.
The turning point for me came when I realized something else about faith. While there is nothing more important than faith, you have to make sure you have faith in the right things. If all that was required to restore a marriage was faith in God by one party to the marriage, I think we would see an astronomically higher success rate on these boards. The truth of the matter lies in a sometimes ugly little thing called free will. While I may have had an abundance of faith in God, I eventually realized that to continue my stand, I had to have an equal amount of faith in my ex-wife. I had to have faith that she would change her heart. The sad part of this whole predicament we find ourselves in is that marriage always takes 2. While God may put influences in our spouse's path, He does not forcefully change their heart. When I finally realized that I didn't have that much faith in my ex-wife, I called off my stand.
Amy, please don't second guess or think less of yourself for this decision if it was prayerfully considered and faithfully made. I personally stand in awe of the stand you have made.
I believe that in every person's faith walk, God places many people in our paths to guide us and teach us the things we need at exactly the times when we are most receptive to those messages. Among the many people He puts in everyone's path will be a few carefully selected and properly prepared "Giants in the Faith" who will have a profound impact on our lives forever. I will always count you as one of my Giants.
As much as I enjoy reading your story on these boards, I am glad to see you much less active on them. You need to focus on LIVING. Start in your church. It is a great place to start transforming your life. Please don't go away completely. I know everyone here will anxiously wait for updates on the remodeling.
