Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 6

[Nomopo]

Seriously, the "trying too hard" comment makes sense. In some ways, I'm thinking too much when with her and not just being me. Better than a few months ago, but still, that one resonates. I am relaxed, but sometimes it's a "forced" relaxation. I'm thinking "relax. chill out." For the majority of my waking life, that's just the way I am. Good point. Thanks Nomo.

I only noted it because I lived it too. Until just a few weeks, I thought I had backed off, thought I was relaxed, thought I was upbeat, positive, friendly, and easy going. Fun Nomo!!!

But I wasn't. I was forcing things, wanting so bad to save my M. Until you detach more, care less, accept that a D may just be what is in the cards for you, its' hard to really relax and get off their backs. And I believe very firmly that my W (and maybe most or all WASs) can sense it, feel it, etc. You can't fake the backing off, relaxing thing past a certain point.

My IC said something interesting last week. I was relaying to her how OT had said that only recently I had given my W the emotional space she really needs. Truth is, I had backed off tons, but OT was right. Until recently I really wasn't "away" from W. And W could feel it I'm sure. The tension was still there, and only recently could you feel the pressure release/dissipate. Well, IC said it was like some of the couples she gives sex therapy to (yeah, she's trained in sexual issues too). IC said it's like when she has a couple with one person who is high drive, and the other is low drive. The HD person can say "I won't try to have sex with you," but everyone knows s/he wants to, and you can feel it (even if they never bring it up or make a move towards intimacy. I had backed off, a lot, but until I told my W that she was right, that our R was impossible and wouldn't work, and that I had giving up and was asusming we'd divorce and was ready to move that way, my W knew and felt that I was hoping to save the M. As a result, she viewed everything I did (and maybe rightfully so) as trying to change her mind and that was pressure, BIG TIME. Interesting, huh? W seems to have finally relaxed noticeably.

Now go watch your Saints.

Nomo