Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 6

[Heimlich]

That makes a bit of sense, but, the thing is, I'm usually more relaxed when I'm with her than what comes across when I post here. Plus, I type differently than I speak. Sometimes I'll remember the exact language I used (and try to mention when I do), usually I come off more stilted here than in real life.

Yeah, should have just agreed. One of those reflex things, "don't talk about us" me, "wasn't going to". Bam, bam. You know?

And, c'mon, she IS dense not to see the wonderfulness that is me

Seriously, the "trying too hard" comment makes sense. In some ways, I'm thinking too much when with her and not just being me. Better than a few months ago, but still, that one resonates. I am relaxed, but sometimes it's a "forced" relaxation. I'm thinking "relax. chill out." For the majority of my waking life, that's just the way I am. Good point. Thanks Nomo.

BD

[Nomopo]

Seriously, the "trying too hard" comment makes sense. In some ways, I'm thinking too much when with her and not just being me. Better than a few months ago, but still, that one resonates. I am relaxed, but sometimes it's a "forced" relaxation. I'm thinking "relax. chill out." For the majority of my waking life, that's just the way I am. Good point. Thanks Nomo.

I only noted it because I lived it too. Until just a few weeks, I thought I had backed off, thought I was relaxed, thought I was upbeat, positive, friendly, and easy going. Fun Nomo!!!

But I wasn't. I was forcing things, wanting so bad to save my M. Until you detach more, care less, accept that a D may just be what is in the cards for you, its' hard to really relax and get off their backs. And I believe very firmly that my W (and maybe most or all WASs) can sense it, feel it, etc. You can't fake the backing off, relaxing thing past a certain point.

My IC said something interesting last week. I was relaying to her how OT had said that only recently I had given my W the emotional space she really needs. Truth is, I had backed off tons, but OT was right. Until recently I really wasn't "away" from W. And W could feel it I'm sure. The tension was still there, and only recently could you feel the pressure release/dissipate. Well, IC said it was like some of the couples she gives sex therapy to (yeah, she's trained in sexual issues too). IC said it's like when she has a couple with one person who is high drive, and the other is low drive. The HD person can say "I won't try to have sex with you," but everyone knows s/he wants to, and you can feel it (even if they never bring it up or make a move towards intimacy. I had backed off, a lot, but until I told my W that she was right, that our R was impossible and wouldn't work, and that I had giving up and was asusming we'd divorce and was ready to move that way, my W knew and felt that I was hoping to save the M. As a result, she viewed everything I did (and maybe rightfully so) as trying to change her mind and that was pressure, BIG TIME. Interesting, huh? W seems to have finally relaxed noticeably.

Now go watch your Saints.

Nomo

[SuperDad]

Heimlich,
Nomo is speaking from experience. If you can find them, we had some great discussions on his thread about 2 mo. ago about detaching.

Nomo,
For the record, you are now officially detached!

SD