The reason I say he's a creep, is because, judging by what I've read, he's a master at playing games to get his way. It doesn't mean that he's a bad person all-around, I'm just speaking of his behavior in your M, from what I've seen.
I'm not a professional, but it looks to me like he has you locked into the "abuse victim" behavior. Very similar to when a man beats his W, yet she stays and always believes his empty promises...Sometimes even convincing herself that she deserves to be beaten. I'm not trying to suggest that he's abusive, but he seems to have complete control over your thoughts and emotions. This is a game that I've seen many guys play. You previously mentioned that you "needed" him. He knows this. He also thinks you "need" him. And he uses that to get his way and to place you in an inferior position. It's quite possible that he doesn't even see that he's doing it. I know that I placed my W into an inferior role. I had to have it pointed out to me because I couldn't see it on my own. And I think that's very common with guys, to varying degrees. We tend to think very highly of abilities.
Anyway, your remedy has to come from you. He has changes to make too, but he won't unless you give him a good reason to do so. Your post says, "I do care about him, I do love him. I just don't like the pathetic person I have become when around him." You see? You talk about the pathetic person YOU have become.
You see, guys generally enjoy being "needed". It's sort of a power trip. The more you need him, the more power he has, and the further he will push his boundries. I call him a creep because, over time, he has stretched those boundries way too far. To the point that he has basically told you that he wants to have sex with you and be your friend, but nothing else. Cake eating.
So you have to show him that you don't need him. You don't need anyone. You're strong, you're smart and you can do it yourself. Your preference is to stay with your H, but it should not be a need.
Do you see and individual counselor? I would highly recommend it. It seems to me that you have very low self-esteem and self-worth. And there's no reason you should.
Am I making sense? Not immediately returning phone calls is a good place to start. However, until you believe in yourself, he won't believe in you either.
