" Is there any guilt? Do they think about their ex-spouses at all? I know this isn't the sort of thing to think about when you're trying to detach. Just a lot of questions running through my mind. It's really hard to think of them having sex. I know there's still a lot of anger directed at me. Don't know who is still willing to listen to it."
I think I can answer this for you as I asked this of my H...No he didn't have guilt because he had justified everything...No he didn't think about me or the kids because that would have stood in the way of all of his "fun"....
Your right that thinking about such things doesn't help you detach...or atleast not in the way that is best for you...this is painful detaching...
Also...thinking about them having sex is really damaging for several reasons...but one I can attest to...sometimes WE make it more glorious in our minds then the reality of it all...I had images of hot-monkey-love-making with my H and OW when in reality it was very limited when he was with her...actually out of the time they were "together" and he visited her they only had sex TWICE!!!...granted he admitted they were long sessions but considering the amount of time he actually spent there it was not much (we had more sex when we went away on weekends without the kids then they did with their little trists!)...So don't gorify it more then it is...
I also notice that you are referring to her as XW...I think it is time for you to let go...this doesn't mean forget...or that it is all over (I work with someone who is getting back with XH after 12 years!)...but it is time to stop ALLOWING your mind to dwell on her....I know it is hard but if you make it your focus to NOT THINK about her and her life YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF!!!
