Thanks Edie, I needed the hug today. My 11 yr old woke me up at 11 PM last night sobbing. For the first time it hit him. He said mom I miss dad I said I know baby he said I just saw a dad and son on tv and it made me realize I will never have that. He is 18 hours away. It broke my heart and made me question all I have done. I know though that my kids are safer here and I know I did what I had to do as their mom.

I talked to H this morning and he said they are moving him to a long term facility today. He is not sure where. He will call when/if he can. He really hs no will to live and it saddens me and breaks my heart. I try not to let him know how broken I am but I got off the phone and can't stop crying. The pain is unbearable. I just want to fix him and I know I can't.

I told him that I cared about him and that we all wanted him to get well. I then hung up before I fell apart.

I feel guilty for thinking this but I feel so much like part of this is a show to see which woman will break and toss him out first so he doesnt have to make the decision. I feel like he is so incapable of making a decision that he is trying to push it off on us. I don't know... Just feel that way.

M 32 H 39
SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4
E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06
On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again.
On 08/11/07 Walked out again.

People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"