Have had very minimun, business-like interactions with XW since I refused to be her plumber. She's quick to get off the phone, little small talk, not asking about what I'm doing. Financial interactions are now via email copying her atty. She has responded, in a fashion, to my boundary.
Last night she calls: the phones are not working (she has Vonage). Since it could be considered a kids safety issue, she says, would I help her fix them? So I help her debug the issue over the phone (she's on her mobile) and eventually we figure out one of the phones was off the hook and she couldn't dial on the other ones.
In the middle of it she asked me why I wouldn't help her fix her toilet (still broken after a week). Was I trying to punish her?
She so does not get this. I offered her my life, my time left on the planet, to be devoted to her, help her raise our children together in a healthy family, to be buried next to her forever. Her response was to kick me in the teeth, destroy our family, reject me so totally that there are court orders detailing my prescribed interactions with her, and she thinks by not fixing her toilet, my boundary setting is somehow all about her???
How about, I am doing exactly what someone with healthy boundaries does, that is moving on. I am worrying about my next moves, my life, trying to work through the anger I have with her that is so primal I can't even access it yet. I'm finishing unpacking, taking care of my kids as best I can, trying to keep a good job so I can survive, trying to keep above water financially so I don't have to ask my dad for cash, trying to stay healthy, not drink too much, making new friends and keeping old ones, spending time with my family, and trying to get my head out of my butt far enough that women I think are attractive will even notice me, let alone be attracted.
But, no, it must be about her.
built4speed My Saga "How others deal with the gifts you've given is not your decision, but theirs." - Richard Bach
