OK I was inspired by Neph and Morgan to ease up a bit on the H and let him come to the house and I was even going to be here with my S2. My H was so cold with such a business demeanor that I felt another power struggle was ensuing so I just made an excuse to be gone during that time. Oh Roller Coaster from heck when will it ever end or is it just in my head? Do I just see a ray of hope that really was never there? Is this guy just using kindness a bartering chip for the kids? Does he have no sense of who we were at all?

I am starting to think that this has a lot to do with his affair. Duh, I know that is like overstating the obvious but I feel that it is like an epiphany.

My H has been completely accepted by someone who thinks he is OK to have an affair. No one else in his life can accept him as a cheater and a liar except for one other person. The Other Person!

It makes such sense to me now. He may have loved me so much in the past but he knows that married folk have an incredibly difficult time accepting lying cheaters. He probably believes that everyone who knew him in the past would not like the new him because of his choices/ mistakes/ lack of integrity. He even cried to me a few weeks ago stating he knew his childen would never respect him when they grow up. He better believe it. Love and respect are two different things.

So that is where DB comes in to play. I think that unconditional love phase can only last so log. But I am failing miserably right now. My heart is just giving out. I really do not think I can accept him even though I care and love him. I just don't think I can see him so empty. I know he is miserable and no one will take him in except his fellow perpatrator of guilt. It is like they are little crack addicts in some half way house hiding like vampires waiting for some fix.

Last edited by mkultra; 10/14/07 10:47 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC
M:10 R:23 years
D6 S3
Bomb: Easter, 2007
"Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."