NEWBIES ! Hope - list of restored marriages !

[RedHeadWife]

Hmmm, well, I can honestly say that I busted my D. D bomb dropped January 2007, almost a year ago. Married almost 8 yrs then; 3 boys, ages 7, 3 and 19 months (their ages now). H had had previous A's, 2 EA's (possibly more) and one 1 night stand. I found out about these when he supposedly felt guilty enough and wrote me a letter while I was on maternity leave w/ our second son.

I never did deal in any way w/ those A's. I had always thought "you cheat, you're gone," but you truly never know how you will react until you are actually in a sitch for real. During the D bomb sitch, he told me that he actually had hoped I would kick him out when he told me about those A's, but I don't know how true that is/was. He also informed me that he had gone to see a D lawyer, but then we found out I was pregnant w/ 3rd son and didn't go through w/ it.

Long story short, I had completely neglected my M/R w/ my H due to resentfullness on my part and unhappiness on my part in pretty much my "life," not just my M. H did not ever truly and completely communicate how unhappy he was so I knew things weren't great, but never knew that D was even an option. The first 2 supposed EA's happened when our first son was only 18 months and H was feeling neglected as happens a lot when first children are born.

Anyway, D bomb dropped, H didn't actually move out b/c he was due to be deployed that following May for a year and wanted to stay in the house to be w/ the boys until he left. Found out later that he was having an EA which had been going on for who knows how long.

I was just quite stubborn, as we redheads can be, and never did give up. Told him BULLSH*T on the "I only love you as a person and the mother of my children."

Found out later, via receiving a bill in the mail, that he did go see a D lawyer. Not long after that, he decided to stay. That was in April '07. Between the bomb and then, he had gone back & forth numerous times as to wanting to work things out and then not wanting anything but a divorce.

I asked him recently what made him finally change his mind and he simply said "because I love you."

We are wonderful now. I know deep in my heart how much my husband truly loves me and I cannot wait for him to come home from this deployment so we can really start anew. I can't wait for the years to come -- I have learned so much through all of this and I'm actually glad it happened or we would be still stuck in the same rut of an unhappy marriage. I needed the wake up call and am so much happier and fulfilled now that my R w/ my husband is where it needs to be. Sometimes I wish I could actually FEEL the way I felt during that whole time period. I have vowed to never forget the lessons I've learned through all of this, but the pain does diminish and the memory of how hard that time was fades as well.

As far as forgiving H for the A's and everything he said and did during the whole D bomb sitch, that too fades w/ time. At first, after he left for his deployment, there were times I would "dwell" on the whole thing, I still didn't feel as if I could have an R talks or ask any questions w/o making him angry or maybe making him change his mind again. Slowly, I began to feel stronger and more comfortable and also would process what I really "needed" to know as opposed to "wanted" to know about certain things.

As time went on, I did ask things I needed to know and was lovingly answered by H. I know he knows how painful that whole sitch was and how much he hurt me, but I have no need to bring it up or "rub it in." We're slowly rebuilding, even if it is long distance and, like I said, I just cannot wait for him to be home so we can move forward together.

I am very hopeful that we will renew our vows when he gets home. I brought it up and he seemed amicable to this, but we haven't talked in detail about it yet.

Folks, it can happen. Patience is so key.