Still trying to win WAW back (#2)

[DaveJ]

Well, so far she's pretty adamant that she's done. However, she seems to be leaning toward Retrouvaille. In the worst case we learn to communicate better and that can't hurt going down the road. I guess she's willing to go with an open mind but not willing heart. She's still reading the book and I'm not sure if it will sway her a bit or not. I will find out tomorrow what she has decided. I'm praying for a miracle if she does decide for Retrouvaille.

Call me nice, naive, dumb, or whatever but I will take care of her even if she wants to end things. I'm doing it for the kids. I want them to have a stable home that they are ok in. I will probably agree with a legal separation instead of of divorce for the time being just to keep her on the medical insurance and we don't have to mess with dividing stuff up. With all the problems she really needs to be on the med ins. I will give her about 2 years until my D is in school and the W go back to work. Of course she wants to start dating and etc when we are legally separated. I guess if it's meant to be she'll come back to me. If not...I guess she'll always be the mother of my children. I am willing to wait on her for a bit. She can't have any more kids. So whoever gets involved with her will have to be happy with just my kids.... Not sure how willing are people to get involved with single mothers except to just get in their pants. I'm still hoping that she would be willing to give a little time and see if her heart will soften a bit and not insist on a legal S. Yes her IC told her to stop leaving me in limbo if she's so determined. But to me I feel like with some time maybe there might be a chance that heart may soften. I'm not in a hurry to be anywhere else....

As for the kids she wants shared custody. I can have them half the time. Ironic as it may she wants the best for the kids even if we are not together. Too bad she thinks they will be perfectly fine with a divorce if we still act as a close family. I sure wish she thinks the best for the kids is not breaking the family. She is very determined that it's the best for her to not be with me. And that God has given her guidance that she needs to start new. It really sucks that she won't give me another chance to redeem myself. I'm a good person and a good father. I just made some mistakes and messed up and took way too long to realize it. Maybe if I'd just agree to go to MC when she was asking it'd been different. I don't know.... If I knew about Retrouvaille back then instead of insisting to work through the Gottman book it may be different. We got through couple chapters and then she refused because I wasn't wanting to go see a MC. $#@@!#$@# John Gottman! *sigh*