Hi there - I haven't posted much lately - mostly have lurked when I needed a little extra strength.
Quick history: Hubs and I married for 3 yrs - spring of last year we seemed to go off in our different directions - me helping son start a buisness that took every bit of my extra time (and turned me into a cranky beyotch) - hubs was traveling south in our state and hanging out with some pretty powerful people (lawyer types). He met someone in one of the offices and they had an affair. I found out in Feb (no names, just that there was someone else). He wanted to work things out with me and we were supposedly in counseling until June - however, the same behavior was still be shown - he was secrative, etc etc. Finally he had had enough of my "craziness" and on a Monday told me in front of the counseler that he was done and moving out that day. And he did. And he met with a lawyer the next day.
People - this is where my DB FINALLY kicked in. I said fine. He moved out and in with some of our friends that were just floored. They too had been saying that he had totally just changed over the past year and were totally baffled by all this. Anyways - for 3 weeks we had no communication except for the first week a couple emails about the divorce - but that's it. HE FILED, paid a 1800 retainer, put a deposit on an apartment and had sent me the papers to fill out. We already had everything separated (we have 3 kids but they are mine from a previous - the house is in my name etc etc).
3.5 weeks later on a Saturday he texted me out of the blue and asked if we could talk. I said no - he said he had too - that he couldn't look at himself in the mirror. I finally gave in and he came over - long story short - he hasn't left since.
This isn't the end of the story though - he called me on Saturday (7/14) - but apparently the Friday (7/13)before he had finally on his own totally cut off all communication and told the OW it was over. However I didn't find this out until Tuesday (7/17) when I saw a text from her (yes I snooped and told him) The text talked about how she couldn't believe he left her - they were perfect together (she's married too - no kids). We sat on the floor both sobbing - and he finally spilled the ENTIRE story - however, from the text I KNEW he told me the truth then (he failed to tell me all this when talked that Saturday night). I made him call her then and there and tell her not to contact him again that he was home, he loved me and that we were going to work it out - I listened to the entire conversation and talked to her myself. Um, she was NOT a happy girl about that. I now knew her name, her firm EVERYTHING. She then proceeded to leave him an additional 6 voicemails plus all the ones from over the weekend - he allowed me to listen to every one of them. Since that day - he has been a total open book to me - and my gut says so too.
Guys - it's only been 3 months for me - and if anything would hold us back it's me. He allows me to "investigate" ANYTHING that I don't feel good about. He understands that it's going to take me a while. I ask him questions quite often and find that much of what people say on here is true - they really don't remember alot of the details - we make up far more than they even remember. Right now, I am my own worst enemy. He consistantly on a daily basis lets me know that I am the one he loves and that he regrets hurting me the way he did. He totally gets what he's done.
Do I think he should "pay" more for what he's done? Honestly, when a person really repents (not in a spiritual way even) and their eyes are finally clear and open to the hurt they've caused, I think the shame and embarassment is more than what we can understand.
Friends, only YOU can decide what is best for you. I did not want to get divorced, but I wanted someone that I didn't have to feel I had to be Matlock around 24/7 either. When he told me he was moving out - after the inital sadness, there was actual relief. I loved him, I wanted him - but I deserved better than that.
He's become the man again that I fell in love with - every part of him is mine for the taking.
One last thought - EVERY DAY - EVERY SINGLE DAY since the phone call with her 7/17 she is in my thoughts. I have googled her until kingdom comes and I know every detail of her life. I give this woman WAY too much time in my life. It's only (not even!) been 3 months and I think I've done remarkably well but I have to stop. I have to let it really be done. This is harder than the forgiveness. I wish just forgetting was as easy.
